missing my girl
missing her smile
i love her i do
she is gone many miles
she will come back
but my tears my pain my fear
heart beating, acid in belly
horns large and no release
loss of ego, worthless cripple
bad voices and images.
laughing at me, belittling me
others able to walk and move
you the house weight
loser.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
growth
growth
pain
ache
heart pounding, I love her she loves me, she has put her life on hold for over 2 years now, dealing with my fat cripple ass, my fuck up into poly, has let me play when old lovers actually come to visit, i dont mind she is going to adult party,but being left alone with just the boy to really take care of me, is hurting, my head heart are pounding. I am jealous she is going someplace, while i am trapped because i am such a fat bastard, yeah i got infection help fuck leg up, but lets be honest, 90% my fuckin crippleness is my fat. i have been trying to lose, i am stronger then last year but still so far from being able even get my own cuppa coffee. some where i become a social creature, i miss people, i miss the women who said the liked me, cared and wanted to play. tired of being a house weight. i want her to have fun. I swear I do. but i want to be there, i want to be with people, charming them laughing and seducing. i love my girl, i hate my body, i hate my weakness, i hate the tears that well up, I AM GOING TO BE ALONE!!!mostly, the boy will be here, my nurse will be here to change me and bath me, with luck i remember to get cups filled and some food, if not i wait, til he gets up. could be 12pm or could be 6pm. oh joy.
while i bitchin, i dont believe h and her interviews, told her A that she had interviews one today at 5 and another tomorrow, Ok, i may be out of real world but most companies Including Mcd's don't interview or test after 4, oh wait, she packed her pc into van and left at 530 geee her interview was at 5... she left not dressed for it, and what company interviews on sats? and how many interviews last 4 hours for an entry level job? i feel bad i dont believe, but i dont.
i love A with all my being and I HATE HATE HATE HATE those she loves takin advantage. A is sweet loving an caring, i am lucky to have her and her love and devotion. i hate my body. i hate being trapped, i hate her being taken advantage of.
pain
ache
heart pounding, I love her she loves me, she has put her life on hold for over 2 years now, dealing with my fat cripple ass, my fuck up into poly, has let me play when old lovers actually come to visit, i dont mind she is going to adult party,but being left alone with just the boy to really take care of me, is hurting, my head heart are pounding. I am jealous she is going someplace, while i am trapped because i am such a fat bastard, yeah i got infection help fuck leg up, but lets be honest, 90% my fuckin crippleness is my fat. i have been trying to lose, i am stronger then last year but still so far from being able even get my own cuppa coffee. some where i become a social creature, i miss people, i miss the women who said the liked me, cared and wanted to play. tired of being a house weight. i want her to have fun. I swear I do. but i want to be there, i want to be with people, charming them laughing and seducing. i love my girl, i hate my body, i hate my weakness, i hate the tears that well up, I AM GOING TO BE ALONE!!!mostly, the boy will be here, my nurse will be here to change me and bath me, with luck i remember to get cups filled and some food, if not i wait, til he gets up. could be 12pm or could be 6pm. oh joy.
while i bitchin, i dont believe h and her interviews, told her A that she had interviews one today at 5 and another tomorrow, Ok, i may be out of real world but most companies Including Mcd's don't interview or test after 4, oh wait, she packed her pc into van and left at 530 geee her interview was at 5... she left not dressed for it, and what company interviews on sats? and how many interviews last 4 hours for an entry level job? i feel bad i dont believe, but i dont.
i love A with all my being and I HATE HATE HATE HATE those she loves takin advantage. A is sweet loving an caring, i am lucky to have her and her love and devotion. i hate my body. i hate being trapped, i hate her being taken advantage of.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
a first
and possibly the last. pup and I are fighting. she does not agree with my assessment or views on this.
tween she and I we have hurt L and D more then two loved beings should be hurt.
I started a discussion tonight on collaring because L & pup have diff views. L let off some steam on her shared her hurt for real in front of pup and D and started a discussion, got east coast loud, a a pup alt came out, and told L that she wants collar to show she belongs to me forever, in a committed relationship akin to marriage. L not happy, she is my heart my soul my love my mate, I love pup don't get me wrong but L is forever and a day. I want pup too, greedy fat man. pup/A ignored how her partner/wife/lover/bf sat and cried as she told aloud she wanted commitment to me, i am honored but home needs to be a stable hardcore foundation, before considering a collar commitment in my mind.
how could she ignore those tears and ignore D?
I am disappointed in that. D should be her 1st, middle and last thought everyday on happy life. I should add to that happy NOT detract.
Long story, L raised voice called A(inside person in pup, like my people)a bitch, pup got upset left.
YOU Cant solve anything by running, she says she was verbally abused and yelled at , Ummm NO not ever close by my standards.
she disagrees.
TO be me I have to have honor, integrity and I work hard to heal and make self stronger better to walk, lose lbs. to be with my I require honor, integrity the ability and desire to improve self. I require and desire no less from my gf and or submissive.
this needs to be talked about, she and L and D and I need to sit down and talk honestly and cry and talk, cry, yell, shout, and curse if we are to have chance to be strong unit *fill in name of unit pack, fam,tribe,etc*
pup got upset and dismissed me (( PRETTY FUCKING FUNNY MY SUBMISSIVE DISMISSING HER SIR WTF LOLS))
pup has told me often she loves my strength, my integrity, my honor, my ability to pursue my health goals. well I want her to walk path I walk and use feel these same tools and ways. without them I AM DEAD and i have nothing without honor and integrity.
I told her think about these words and come fight argue if we are to be and work. If she chooses not to I told her I release her.
this is hard. this hurts. love is not wrong people hurting is wrong.
she needs to love respect d and l even if the a part of her doesn't want to. she needs to get grip and control a.
if it ends i will sad and will grieve, has been a painful and exciting and memorable 2 months. I hope she takes my lessons to heart and learns to love respect self if she chooses to take the runaway path *this from man in diapers and needs help getting clean* and pray goddess protects her in all she does and seeks.
i will always remember the love and laughter. fight for this if you need want it. walk away if you don't feel it is worth working on self and spirit and building
the unit that which we want/wanted to belong.
I will eat and cry now. and wonder what pup will choose.
tween she and I we have hurt L and D more then two loved beings should be hurt.
I started a discussion tonight on collaring because L & pup have diff views. L let off some steam on her shared her hurt for real in front of pup and D and started a discussion, got east coast loud, a a pup alt came out, and told L that she wants collar to show she belongs to me forever, in a committed relationship akin to marriage. L not happy, she is my heart my soul my love my mate, I love pup don't get me wrong but L is forever and a day. I want pup too, greedy fat man. pup/A ignored how her partner/wife/lover/bf sat and cried as she told aloud she wanted commitment to me, i am honored but home needs to be a stable hardcore foundation, before considering a collar commitment in my mind.
how could she ignore those tears and ignore D?
I am disappointed in that. D should be her 1st, middle and last thought everyday on happy life. I should add to that happy NOT detract.
Long story, L raised voice called A(inside person in pup, like my people)a bitch, pup got upset left.
YOU Cant solve anything by running, she says she was verbally abused and yelled at , Ummm NO not ever close by my standards.
she disagrees.
TO be me I have to have honor, integrity and I work hard to heal and make self stronger better to walk, lose lbs. to be with my I require honor, integrity the ability and desire to improve self. I require and desire no less from my gf and or submissive.
this needs to be talked about, she and L and D and I need to sit down and talk honestly and cry and talk, cry, yell, shout, and curse if we are to have chance to be strong unit *fill in name of unit pack, fam,tribe,etc*
pup got upset and dismissed me (( PRETTY FUCKING FUNNY MY SUBMISSIVE DISMISSING HER SIR WTF LOLS))
pup has told me often she loves my strength, my integrity, my honor, my ability to pursue my health goals. well I want her to walk path I walk and use feel these same tools and ways. without them I AM DEAD and i have nothing without honor and integrity.
I told her think about these words and come fight argue if we are to be and work. If she chooses not to I told her I release her.
this is hard. this hurts. love is not wrong people hurting is wrong.
she needs to love respect d and l even if the a part of her doesn't want to. she needs to get grip and control a.
if it ends i will sad and will grieve, has been a painful and exciting and memorable 2 months. I hope she takes my lessons to heart and learns to love respect self if she chooses to take the runaway path *this from man in diapers and needs help getting clean* and pray goddess protects her in all she does and seeks.
i will always remember the love and laughter. fight for this if you need want it. walk away if you don't feel it is worth working on self and spirit and building
the unit that which we want/wanted to belong.
I will eat and cry now. and wonder what pup will choose.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
so i got a spirit baby. and I love her.
In recent past, I have hated fathers day. after all I had never been a father. never knew my bio dad for real, gorman abandoned us after he and mom divorced and this after forcing bio dad to give us up so he could adopt us and well dad 3 tried to kill me 3x and spent most my life while at home being physically, verbally and mentally abused WHEEEEEEE!!! what great father pictures huh?
what stand up guys to look up to to model my fat ass to.
mia, drunk and abusive and cheater (to be honest she cheated too) and abuser, drunk mean spirited. what a dad I would have made!!!!
I look at Lisa and I wish we could have had a baby. she would be so pretty and smart, all Lisa's side and hope my fucked up genes caused minimal damage.
then recently remembered in early days when married to J we got preggers, was odd time decided to keep baby or take care of ?!??!!?!?!! yeah we thought about it. Finally came to conclusion and said well if universe wants us to have baby, well we were gonna accept and love the baby, we decided to tell the family we were gonna have a baby on april 1, they thought was joke we thought timing was great.
2days later we lost her, we in jest to ease pain named her Clumpy Gorman.
Been thinking of old age no kids to love me and thinking well is all good, you cant pass on fat and fucked up and depressed the chain ends with you (well R has two daughters but they are diff story). I was dreaming and a baby came to me, she told me her name was Victoria Faith, named after my mom, she loved me and was ok, she wanted to come into world but then saw how angry J was and decided was not her time. She sees me and sees L and says L is the mama she wanted and loves L, we are gonna be ok she says.
so i got a spirit baby. and I love her.
what stand up guys to look up to to model my fat ass to.
mia, drunk and abusive and cheater (to be honest she cheated too) and abuser, drunk mean spirited. what a dad I would have made!!!!
I look at Lisa and I wish we could have had a baby. she would be so pretty and smart, all Lisa's side and hope my fucked up genes caused minimal damage.
then recently remembered in early days when married to J we got preggers, was odd time decided to keep baby or take care of ?!??!!?!?!! yeah we thought about it. Finally came to conclusion and said well if universe wants us to have baby, well we were gonna accept and love the baby, we decided to tell the family we were gonna have a baby on april 1, they thought was joke we thought timing was great.
2days later we lost her, we in jest to ease pain named her Clumpy Gorman.
Been thinking of old age no kids to love me and thinking well is all good, you cant pass on fat and fucked up and depressed the chain ends with you (well R has two daughters but they are diff story). I was dreaming and a baby came to me, she told me her name was Victoria Faith, named after my mom, she loved me and was ok, she wanted to come into world but then saw how angry J was and decided was not her time. She sees me and sees L and says L is the mama she wanted and loves L, we are gonna be ok she says.
so i got a spirit baby. and I love her.
is morning
and the world is shaky again.
it will brighten again but once again for the moment i am world destroyer again I am a akin to Shiva, after all he is one with title THE DESTROYER!!!!!!
to know what i do now, i would deny my poly-side the side that loves many. I kept it shut for most life, fuck i hid emotions most my life. I was better off at times, i seldom hurt anyone who didn't deserve it. I don't think I ever destroyed anyone's heart well I did 1x, but i was 19 and she was 31 talkin marriage and I ran like a little punk fuck, i wish i could do that over. L made it ok for me to love, trust my love, trust my feelings. Oops, cant trust them, *sings* fooled around and fell in love (thanks Elvin Bishop) how is it possible to feel like a god and phule all in same heart beat and breath?
Pat Benatar sang song many moons ago that is apt and fits too "HEARTBREAKER DREAM TAKER DONT YOU MESS AROUND WITH ME"
I never wanted to hurt anyone i love, an never never ever L. if i could i would slice cut bleed. to watch crimson slowly flow down my arm. each droplet a bit of pain.
am sorry sweet angel. sorry t. sorry for anyone an everyone i ever hurt by being me.
times i wish i could phase a way. or be that real asshole that doest care about anyone but self like it appears i am, but iam not that fucker. i hurt my love i hurt me. and old tools to hide run from feeling not available I cant eat til i puke, cant drink til drunk, dont drug anymore and i dont fucking smoke anymore. that leaves me feeling and rolling in hot sharp glass. i deserve to suffer not L.
it will brighten again but once again for the moment i am world destroyer again I am a akin to Shiva, after all he is one with title THE DESTROYER!!!!!!
to know what i do now, i would deny my poly-side the side that loves many. I kept it shut for most life, fuck i hid emotions most my life. I was better off at times, i seldom hurt anyone who didn't deserve it. I don't think I ever destroyed anyone's heart well I did 1x, but i was 19 and she was 31 talkin marriage and I ran like a little punk fuck, i wish i could do that over. L made it ok for me to love, trust my love, trust my feelings. Oops, cant trust them, *sings* fooled around and fell in love (thanks Elvin Bishop) how is it possible to feel like a god and phule all in same heart beat and breath?
Pat Benatar sang song many moons ago that is apt and fits too "HEARTBREAKER DREAM TAKER DONT YOU MESS AROUND WITH ME"
I never wanted to hurt anyone i love, an never never ever L. if i could i would slice cut bleed. to watch crimson slowly flow down my arm. each droplet a bit of pain.
am sorry sweet angel. sorry t. sorry for anyone an everyone i ever hurt by being me.
times i wish i could phase a way. or be that real asshole that doest care about anyone but self like it appears i am, but iam not that fucker. i hurt my love i hurt me. and old tools to hide run from feeling not available I cant eat til i puke, cant drink til drunk, dont drug anymore and i dont fucking smoke anymore. that leaves me feeling and rolling in hot sharp glass. i deserve to suffer not L.
Friday, August 6, 2010
grr
wanna talk but cant been bumped.
frustrating. love FG but is hard when she comes and downloads when i need to clear my voice.
again i feel unworthy and shitty.
i know i will always be preempted by needs of the spawn.
stupid jackass. wait.
is your need to talk not her or fgs.
frustrating. love FG but is hard when she comes and downloads when i need to clear my voice.
again i feel unworthy and shitty.
i know i will always be preempted by needs of the spawn.
stupid jackass. wait.
is your need to talk not her or fgs.
verbal puke
FUCK!!!
i feel so useless and like i lie the world.
how why do i still feel this little jealous creature?
wtf
i feel so useless and like i lie the world.
how why do i still feel this little jealous creature?
wtf
jealous thing.
I have for years claimed to be poly, wired poly, talked poly and felt L and I were same path and thoughts.
Well in June found a lady I fell for hard T. Sadly found out L and I are not on same page for poly. I have torn her world apart. I go from feeling totally awesome to feeling like the biggest shit heel in world. I love her so much and my dedication love, my hunger and desire and to be with her and love her til the end of days and beyond has not wavered or faltered. it tears me apart inside when i feel her tears, her anger and venom. when realize i tore asunder a pure innocent love.
she says she now see how I am wired and i need love of many, I didn't ask to be wired thus.
She heals she has called her parts in, she is hungry, she is becoming more whole.
I am still so in love with L, fuck my body hurt with desire at times. I love T. I want her alla time too. I think I am far to greedy and needy.
Am not good at linear thoughts and writing so ya gonna read me get used to it.
I am going to try writing more. Not sure how this will go.
I feel a pang of jealousy tonight uncalled for, it came unbidden.
Is a play date, I feel lousy for feeling this. I can only imagine what she felt for real when we made our noises.
HI pot my name is fred and I am a kettle.
I feel unworthy to say I am poly.
Please forgive the pain I caused.
I love my pack. I love Lisa, I love Tressa. I love them so much I could fucking die when I make them sad unhappy.
I will get over this petty feeling and strive to be more worthy of my loves.
I will not be a hypocrite I will not be a petty thing I will be strong loving and Wolf, I am Sir and I am strong sexy and smart.
I am getting better each day.
Well in June found a lady I fell for hard T. Sadly found out L and I are not on same page for poly. I have torn her world apart. I go from feeling totally awesome to feeling like the biggest shit heel in world. I love her so much and my dedication love, my hunger and desire and to be with her and love her til the end of days and beyond has not wavered or faltered. it tears me apart inside when i feel her tears, her anger and venom. when realize i tore asunder a pure innocent love.
she says she now see how I am wired and i need love of many, I didn't ask to be wired thus.
She heals she has called her parts in, she is hungry, she is becoming more whole.
I am still so in love with L, fuck my body hurt with desire at times. I love T. I want her alla time too. I think I am far to greedy and needy.
Am not good at linear thoughts and writing so ya gonna read me get used to it.
I am going to try writing more. Not sure how this will go.
I feel a pang of jealousy tonight uncalled for, it came unbidden.
Is a play date, I feel lousy for feeling this. I can only imagine what she felt for real when we made our noises.
HI pot my name is fred and I am a kettle.
I feel unworthy to say I am poly.
Please forgive the pain I caused.
I love my pack. I love Lisa, I love Tressa. I love them so much I could fucking die when I make them sad unhappy.
I will get over this petty feeling and strive to be more worthy of my loves.
I will not be a hypocrite I will not be a petty thing I will be strong loving and Wolf, I am Sir and I am strong sexy and smart.
I am getting better each day.
*laughs at self*
so cool
so suave
so mr poly
pain bringer
slayer of dreams
stupid petty man
mr poly breakin her down hurting her
loving her, crying with and for her
feel like a hypocrite
i feel jealous, go figure how she has been feeling you stupid fuck.
is just play but my heart hammered and fear welled up, i feel like a hypocrite. i caused so much chaos and for a play date i get fucking twisted????????
what the fuck.
i sit here i feel this out. is fear have had is fear i may never get rid of, she and maybe T finding others that they love better and want to be with. I am a good man, a good Sir, Loving but I am fallible I feel unworthy of this fear, I feel like who the fuck are you to feel this, what have you done in last 2 months. you have her scared scarred and she has heard you and T fuckin and suckin, HOW DARE YOU FUCKING GET JEALOUS!!!!!! fucking moron. get over.
You love her, she loves you. T loves you. you cant and wont have it one way, you hate the people that do that shit. so feel it move on. Love them, love them well and honestly. do not be weak.
I want my women. I want them to love me. I need them to want and need me.
this fear and jealousy is stupid.
Please Let L have an awesome time and may she enjoy tremendously.
I am whore, i wanna be touched. *laughs*
so suave
so mr poly
pain bringer
slayer of dreams
stupid petty man
mr poly breakin her down hurting her
loving her, crying with and for her
feel like a hypocrite
i feel jealous, go figure how she has been feeling you stupid fuck.
is just play but my heart hammered and fear welled up, i feel like a hypocrite. i caused so much chaos and for a play date i get fucking twisted????????
what the fuck.
i sit here i feel this out. is fear have had is fear i may never get rid of, she and maybe T finding others that they love better and want to be with. I am a good man, a good Sir, Loving but I am fallible I feel unworthy of this fear, I feel like who the fuck are you to feel this, what have you done in last 2 months. you have her scared scarred and she has heard you and T fuckin and suckin, HOW DARE YOU FUCKING GET JEALOUS!!!!!! fucking moron. get over.
You love her, she loves you. T loves you. you cant and wont have it one way, you hate the people that do that shit. so feel it move on. Love them, love them well and honestly. do not be weak.
I want my women. I want them to love me. I need them to want and need me.
this fear and jealousy is stupid.
Please Let L have an awesome time and may she enjoy tremendously.
I am whore, i wanna be touched. *laughs*
Share my fire
As a little boy I wandered the world alone.
I wandered the woods doing boy things, battling foes and dragons of evil
I danced and sang, I was alone I was invincible.
My solitude, my strength.
Once upon a time, I was battling the legions of Doom, and a new sight came before my eyes.
I strange being sitting there cold and wet and crying.
I crept up, thinking for sure this is a ploy of evil to catch me off guard, night was falling the rain cold and wet.
I came upon this creature she was sweet, beautiful, wet and cold. My heart melted and felt a feeling that I could not describe.
I sheathed my sword (a mighty sword of oaken branch)
I came from the shadows that were my home.
I said are you an angel? And why are you crying?
She said my name is Angel and I am crying cuz I lost cold and wet. I have no food and am hungry and have no way home.
My heart melted and sang,
I said to her little girl come share and sit by my fire.
I made a fire and shared my samiches, she came close to me and we shared warmth.
I circled her in my arm, and held her through the night soothing her fears and warming her,
She fell asleep in my arms, I looked down and murmured “Rest well little girl and share my fire, I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.
She awoke when the day was warm and sky was blue, birds singing and flying as they always do.
We talked and played my wonder and joy at this new creature growing with each laugh and touch.
Her eyes soft sweet and blue, Hair red and fiery. Her skin pale with hundreds of freckles,
We walked and talked and played finding her way home, at last we found where she called home,
She looked at me, this little girl did, she kissed my cheek and said thank you sweet boy, you have befriended me and guided me home,
You are Sweet, Where do you live? Perhaps I can visit you there someday.
I said no little sweet girl, I have no home but the wilderness, I am alone in this world.
Go to your home and your family you are safe now, Go now.
I turned and walked away pretending to not feel , not to not love this little angel whom I found, I walked away into my woods, tall strong and proud, inside my heart was weeping and crying I had never felt such pain, I glanced swiftly behind me hoping to catch a glance of my fire headed angel. I saw her, her face drawn as if to cry “WAIT COME BACK Little boy”
But as her mouth opened her family saw her and soon swept her up in their arms. Tears running down my face a pain deeper then any I had ever known rending and tearing my heart, I slide to the shadows and watched. I whispered to the air and the spirits “Come share my fire little girl. Come share my fire, for I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.
As the years go by I grow older and stronger, I find myself watching this little girl, this redheaded angel, this little girl who changes from little girl to young woman.
I stay away, my heart beating hard against my breast each time I look at her, they find me and make me join the world.
To learn the ways of man, and commerce, I still go to the woods but fewer and far between, and still I remember her a red headed little angel. I am working and learning.
As I walk in this city this town, it is big and unfriendly but I know my way, Though away from my woods, I find the shadows and move in them. I go about my business learning and making money, one rainy day I hear a cry, I run to the sounds and I see a woman with red hair being attacked by thugs/hoodlums, I jump into this battle seeking to protect and innocent, I slashed at and kicked, they try to cut me, I defend and dodge, I smash ones nose and down he goes, another I kick his knee cap loose and down he falls a toe to groin and he stays down, the last one leery and dangerous, the ground damp from the rains, I glance to my left and I see a face scared and pale and eyes of blue, I falter can it be my little angel?
He slices my upper arm drawing blood, I gasp in pain and spin back at him, I catch him with my right fist the cheek bone splitting it open, his blood run down his face mixing with the rain that is starting to rain down heavier. I block his next swing, and catch him and knock him down, I growl an animal sound from deep in my chest and my heart, I see the angel is bleeding, I attack as he get up, punching with lefts and rights, and a forearm smash across his face and he hurls back against a wall his head hitting hard, he goes down to stay. I catch my breathe and say to her Little girl are you ok?
She looks at me and eyes go wide, she says “Little boy from the woods?” Is that you?”
I laugh and hold my arm and say “Yes Little Angel how are you? Let’s go someplace safe, Come share my fire little girl, Please come share my fire”
She gets up and comes to me, her body full and ripe, her hips swelled and breasts full, her face though wet beautiful, her eyes blue and sweet, she says “yes I will come and share your fire little boy, I will share your fire.”
We go to my little apartment, no fire do I have for such a meager place but I do turn up the heat and offer a hot shower and to dry her clothes.
I hear her laugh as she showers the steam coming from the bathroom door, I take off my clothes and hers and put into dry, I get on some dry clothes and place out my heavy warm dark blue rob for her to wear. I bandage my arm, this is not my first wound but one of many over the years the pain is tolerable.
As she showers, I fix some food and pour some wine, she comes out drying off in a large maroon fluffy towel, I hand her the robe, and motion for her to sit on the couch I bring her food and wine, and say “Come share my fire and my food, little girl, Come share my fire.”
We sit and talk as if we never parted laughing and talking touching each other in sweet wonderful ways, sitting close, til at last the days wanes as does she, she falls asleep laying her head on my lap, I look down and feel my heart swelling and feeling as it did when I was but a young and wild boy. I look down upon her sleeping beautiful face and whisper “Come share my fire little girl. Come share my fire, for I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.”
I fall asleep myself and when I awake she is gone, a note with a smile and a heart is all I have of her visit.
I look into my mirror and say “Come share my fire little girl. Come share my fire, for I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.” And I cry.
As the years roll by some slowly others swiftly I think now and then of the little redheaded girl, my Angel but I go on and do as I need to work, fall in love and play.
Working in the world of man winning and losing, laughing and crying, but always feeling alone.
My heart heavy and dark as my last relationship ends, what is wrong with me, why can’t I find love and happiness, for someone to love me as I do them?
Why must I always be last on the list, the after thought?
Must I always be the lost boy, the one alone in the woods? Where is the one to love me, cherish me, the thought of the little red headed angel traipses across my mind. I smile and feel a tear in my eye.
Is the holiday season I go to the party as I am required forms and social duties BAH! and near do well ideas, I stand alone at the party gazing at the happy couples, kissing and laughing, secrets only they know, knowing looks and touches.
I turn my back to the party over looking the city, looking down upon the lights and cars,
I hear a soft cough, and softer touch upon my arm, I growl inside, what meaningless pleasantry do I have to deal with now???
I steel myself and start to turn, out of the corner of my eye, I catch red hair, and pale skin (dare I hope?) I turn and there she stands, Radiant and beautiful, her hair red and shining her eyes the blue of a warm spring day, he skin pale yet with hundred of sweet freckles, my breathe catches, her curves and fullness make me hunger, I put aside that thought, as I look she speaks “Boy is that you again after all these years?? I came back but it was too long, life got hectic and by time I got to find you, you were gone.” she says.
I have thought of you these many years loving some but never as much as I love you, I have finally found you and I come to ask you “Little boy will you share my fire? Please little boy come and share my fire” soft tears in her eyes she looks at me for the answer.
I say no little girl I will not share your fire, I will share our fire, I ask you little girl will you come with me and share our fire?
We now share our fires and our lives, both having found the love we were looking for, the universe smiles, goddess and her mate smiles, we are blessed.
My Angel and I ask “Will you come and share our fire? Please come and share our fire, we will protect and love you, as we love each other,”
I look at my little angel and whisper come little girl and share my fire”
I wandered the woods doing boy things, battling foes and dragons of evil
I danced and sang, I was alone I was invincible.
My solitude, my strength.
Once upon a time, I was battling the legions of Doom, and a new sight came before my eyes.
I strange being sitting there cold and wet and crying.
I crept up, thinking for sure this is a ploy of evil to catch me off guard, night was falling the rain cold and wet.
I came upon this creature she was sweet, beautiful, wet and cold. My heart melted and felt a feeling that I could not describe.
I sheathed my sword (a mighty sword of oaken branch)
I came from the shadows that were my home.
I said are you an angel? And why are you crying?
She said my name is Angel and I am crying cuz I lost cold and wet. I have no food and am hungry and have no way home.
My heart melted and sang,
I said to her little girl come share and sit by my fire.
I made a fire and shared my samiches, she came close to me and we shared warmth.
I circled her in my arm, and held her through the night soothing her fears and warming her,
She fell asleep in my arms, I looked down and murmured “Rest well little girl and share my fire, I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.
She awoke when the day was warm and sky was blue, birds singing and flying as they always do.
We talked and played my wonder and joy at this new creature growing with each laugh and touch.
Her eyes soft sweet and blue, Hair red and fiery. Her skin pale with hundreds of freckles,
We walked and talked and played finding her way home, at last we found where she called home,
She looked at me, this little girl did, she kissed my cheek and said thank you sweet boy, you have befriended me and guided me home,
You are Sweet, Where do you live? Perhaps I can visit you there someday.
I said no little sweet girl, I have no home but the wilderness, I am alone in this world.
Go to your home and your family you are safe now, Go now.
I turned and walked away pretending to not feel , not to not love this little angel whom I found, I walked away into my woods, tall strong and proud, inside my heart was weeping and crying I had never felt such pain, I glanced swiftly behind me hoping to catch a glance of my fire headed angel. I saw her, her face drawn as if to cry “WAIT COME BACK Little boy”
But as her mouth opened her family saw her and soon swept her up in their arms. Tears running down my face a pain deeper then any I had ever known rending and tearing my heart, I slide to the shadows and watched. I whispered to the air and the spirits “Come share my fire little girl. Come share my fire, for I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.
As the years go by I grow older and stronger, I find myself watching this little girl, this redheaded angel, this little girl who changes from little girl to young woman.
I stay away, my heart beating hard against my breast each time I look at her, they find me and make me join the world.
To learn the ways of man, and commerce, I still go to the woods but fewer and far between, and still I remember her a red headed little angel. I am working and learning.
As I walk in this city this town, it is big and unfriendly but I know my way, Though away from my woods, I find the shadows and move in them. I go about my business learning and making money, one rainy day I hear a cry, I run to the sounds and I see a woman with red hair being attacked by thugs/hoodlums, I jump into this battle seeking to protect and innocent, I slashed at and kicked, they try to cut me, I defend and dodge, I smash ones nose and down he goes, another I kick his knee cap loose and down he falls a toe to groin and he stays down, the last one leery and dangerous, the ground damp from the rains, I glance to my left and I see a face scared and pale and eyes of blue, I falter can it be my little angel?
He slices my upper arm drawing blood, I gasp in pain and spin back at him, I catch him with my right fist the cheek bone splitting it open, his blood run down his face mixing with the rain that is starting to rain down heavier. I block his next swing, and catch him and knock him down, I growl an animal sound from deep in my chest and my heart, I see the angel is bleeding, I attack as he get up, punching with lefts and rights, and a forearm smash across his face and he hurls back against a wall his head hitting hard, he goes down to stay. I catch my breathe and say to her Little girl are you ok?
She looks at me and eyes go wide, she says “Little boy from the woods?” Is that you?”
I laugh and hold my arm and say “Yes Little Angel how are you? Let’s go someplace safe, Come share my fire little girl, Please come share my fire”
She gets up and comes to me, her body full and ripe, her hips swelled and breasts full, her face though wet beautiful, her eyes blue and sweet, she says “yes I will come and share your fire little boy, I will share your fire.”
We go to my little apartment, no fire do I have for such a meager place but I do turn up the heat and offer a hot shower and to dry her clothes.
I hear her laugh as she showers the steam coming from the bathroom door, I take off my clothes and hers and put into dry, I get on some dry clothes and place out my heavy warm dark blue rob for her to wear. I bandage my arm, this is not my first wound but one of many over the years the pain is tolerable.
As she showers, I fix some food and pour some wine, she comes out drying off in a large maroon fluffy towel, I hand her the robe, and motion for her to sit on the couch I bring her food and wine, and say “Come share my fire and my food, little girl, Come share my fire.”
We sit and talk as if we never parted laughing and talking touching each other in sweet wonderful ways, sitting close, til at last the days wanes as does she, she falls asleep laying her head on my lap, I look down and feel my heart swelling and feeling as it did when I was but a young and wild boy. I look down upon her sleeping beautiful face and whisper “Come share my fire little girl. Come share my fire, for I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.”
I fall asleep myself and when I awake she is gone, a note with a smile and a heart is all I have of her visit.
I look into my mirror and say “Come share my fire little girl. Come share my fire, for I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.” And I cry.
As the years roll by some slowly others swiftly I think now and then of the little redheaded girl, my Angel but I go on and do as I need to work, fall in love and play.
Working in the world of man winning and losing, laughing and crying, but always feeling alone.
My heart heavy and dark as my last relationship ends, what is wrong with me, why can’t I find love and happiness, for someone to love me as I do them?
Why must I always be last on the list, the after thought?
Must I always be the lost boy, the one alone in the woods? Where is the one to love me, cherish me, the thought of the little red headed angel traipses across my mind. I smile and feel a tear in my eye.
Is the holiday season I go to the party as I am required forms and social duties BAH! and near do well ideas, I stand alone at the party gazing at the happy couples, kissing and laughing, secrets only they know, knowing looks and touches.
I turn my back to the party over looking the city, looking down upon the lights and cars,
I hear a soft cough, and softer touch upon my arm, I growl inside, what meaningless pleasantry do I have to deal with now???
I steel myself and start to turn, out of the corner of my eye, I catch red hair, and pale skin (dare I hope?) I turn and there she stands, Radiant and beautiful, her hair red and shining her eyes the blue of a warm spring day, he skin pale yet with hundred of sweet freckles, my breathe catches, her curves and fullness make me hunger, I put aside that thought, as I look she speaks “Boy is that you again after all these years?? I came back but it was too long, life got hectic and by time I got to find you, you were gone.” she says.
I have thought of you these many years loving some but never as much as I love you, I have finally found you and I come to ask you “Little boy will you share my fire? Please little boy come and share my fire” soft tears in her eyes she looks at me for the answer.
I say no little girl I will not share your fire, I will share our fire, I ask you little girl will you come with me and share our fire?
We now share our fires and our lives, both having found the love we were looking for, the universe smiles, goddess and her mate smiles, we are blessed.
My Angel and I ask “Will you come and share our fire? Please come and share our fire, we will protect and love you, as we love each other,”
I look at my little angel and whisper come little girl and share my fire”
Parts
Parts
parts of me are healing
some parts of me are on the ceiling
parts of me are going going gone
Parts of me sing an amazing love song
parts of me are shakey
parts of me are scared
Of all that is All parts of me Love and Adore you.
All parts of me becoming one.
All parts of me want you for the rest of our lives and enternally and physical fun Never shall I run, from feelings and healings, I limp to your arms to look into your eyes, i looke forward being with you each and every sunrise. I lay with my goddess and she with me her god, we love and live and smile at the stars above.
FRG 02/16/06
parts of me are healing
some parts of me are on the ceiling
parts of me are going going gone
Parts of me sing an amazing love song
parts of me are shakey
parts of me are scared
Of all that is All parts of me Love and Adore you.
All parts of me becoming one.
All parts of me want you for the rest of our lives and enternally and physical fun Never shall I run, from feelings and healings, I limp to your arms to look into your eyes, i looke forward being with you each and every sunrise. I lay with my goddess and she with me her god, we love and live and smile at the stars above.
FRG 02/16/06
What I am feeling
What I am feeling
I am lost for the moment
in limbo and distraught
why i am guessing for i really know not.
I wake with tears in my eyes
pain in my chest
I look to my left and see my angel
shit i woke her again and again
I dont know what is in my head
I try to sleep, she falls again
tears again in my eyes as i wake from a slumber to short
they come out one at a time
they come to see her and poke and prode to stroke and love
they seek approval and her love, parts of me but living in separate times but all me
pains in my body i try to quench
noise too loud
a soul woken
she drifts and then awakes, angered but loving me
I leave the room, lost and ashamed
I am lost and know not why
Frg 04/11/06
I am lost for the moment
in limbo and distraught
why i am guessing for i really know not.
I wake with tears in my eyes
pain in my chest
I look to my left and see my angel
shit i woke her again and again
I dont know what is in my head
I try to sleep, she falls again
tears again in my eyes as i wake from a slumber to short
they come out one at a time
they come to see her and poke and prode to stroke and love
they seek approval and her love, parts of me but living in separate times but all me
pains in my body i try to quench
noise too loud
a soul woken
she drifts and then awakes, angered but loving me
I leave the room, lost and ashamed
I am lost and know not why
Frg 04/11/06
Feelings of my Mom
Feeling of Mom
died Good friday april 13 2001
anger
lost
love
missing
resentment
cry
dammit
trying
miserable
unforgiving
judgemental
missed
need to belong
ashamed
goal setting
disappointed
mean
trophy wife
china doll
aching
afraid
lost to joy of life
searching
bitter
myrter
independent
abused child
abused wife
super star
mother
survivor
petty
last of her family
viscious
afraid
seeker
died Good friday april 13 2001
anger
lost
love
missing
resentment
cry
dammit
trying
miserable
unforgiving
judgemental
missed
need to belong
ashamed
goal setting
disappointed
mean
trophy wife
china doll
aching
afraid
lost to joy of life
searching
bitter
myrter
independent
abused child
abused wife
super star
mother
survivor
petty
last of her family
viscious
afraid
seeker
The Animal You by LAD
The Animal You
He grows, in want and need
His caresses more urgent
His restlessness simmers
Like lava below the surface
Fiery, rich, molten
Aching with growing needs
For release.
He settles downward
Close to the animal side
The side of no boundaries
Just needs and wants
He growls and paws
He grabs and demands
Till at last he feeds.
He feasts upon my scent
My flesh, my juices
He signs in contentment
And fills his belly
Fills his spirit
Satiates his hungers,
He finds his soul
He finds himself.
Lad 4/28/06
He grows, in want and need
His caresses more urgent
His restlessness simmers
Like lava below the surface
Fiery, rich, molten
Aching with growing needs
For release.
He settles downward
Close to the animal side
The side of no boundaries
Just needs and wants
He growls and paws
He grabs and demands
Till at last he feeds.
He feasts upon my scent
My flesh, my juices
He signs in contentment
And fills his belly
Fills his spirit
Satiates his hungers,
He finds his soul
He finds himself.
Lad 4/28/06
Dark and Smoke
We lay there in the cool air, naked on crisp clean sheets.
We lay there just touching caressing and petting.
I kiss your neck.
I kiss just behind you ear and breathe soft warm breath growl softly.
My hands heat up and they travel up and down your body, touching and teasing your soft sweet skin.
I take my left and slowly drag my sharpened nails over your skin, not hard enough to break skin but enough to leave faint pink lines that burn slightly.
I then pet and caress your hair, petting you softly, almost hypnotizing you with the soft gentleness. Then slowly wrap my hand in your hair and pull gently, I pull your face to mine and kiss you slowly and deeply, our tongue meeting and entwining, exploring each other’s mouth.
Your moans are soft and alluring, my growls more throaty.
I then tease you nipples over and over, causing the erect sweet hardness. Over and over I tease.
Then slowly I add pressure as I tweak them between my fingers waiting for the sound that means it is intense and oh so pleasurable before it become true pain, that is the spot I leave them in.
Then my hand travels and caresses your belly, wondering at the joy I find in your goddess like body.
Traveling down, I touch and tease your tuft of fur, enjoy the feel and texture and the noise you make as you try to make me touch you down there.
My fingers travel and tease your womanhood, caressing and teasing outside your lips. The fill and swell like a flower; your scent fills the air. I slide my finger over your lower lips but I do not enter, I tease you more, your dampness and scent growing. You now growl at me, your hunger getting heavier.
Then I slide between your legs and inhale your musky scent, I grow dizzy from the scent I love and want.
My tongue traces the outside, over and over, not touching where you want.
Your clit throbs, your hips move.
I then make my move and strike at your clit with my tongue soft and fast almost a butterfly wing over and over you feel the heat climb, your kitty shows it’s hungry by getting wetter.
I change my stroke to hard and slow, and then suck your clit and hold gently with my teeth as I flick and tease the tip with tip of my tonue.
Over and over I do this, your hips bucking your growls and moans louder.
Until the wall falls and you cum again and again and again for me, over and over I do this, until you are spent, exhausted.
I move along side of you, petting and caressing lovingly.
I give you water from a sippy cup.
I caress your hair and pet you until you sleep.
I watch you and smile. I get up for a smoke. I think how lucky I am to have a mortal goddess as a lover.
I sit in the dark, and smoke.
We lay there just touching caressing and petting.
I kiss your neck.
I kiss just behind you ear and breathe soft warm breath growl softly.
My hands heat up and they travel up and down your body, touching and teasing your soft sweet skin.
I take my left and slowly drag my sharpened nails over your skin, not hard enough to break skin but enough to leave faint pink lines that burn slightly.
I then pet and caress your hair, petting you softly, almost hypnotizing you with the soft gentleness. Then slowly wrap my hand in your hair and pull gently, I pull your face to mine and kiss you slowly and deeply, our tongue meeting and entwining, exploring each other’s mouth.
Your moans are soft and alluring, my growls more throaty.
I then tease you nipples over and over, causing the erect sweet hardness. Over and over I tease.
Then slowly I add pressure as I tweak them between my fingers waiting for the sound that means it is intense and oh so pleasurable before it become true pain, that is the spot I leave them in.
Then my hand travels and caresses your belly, wondering at the joy I find in your goddess like body.
Traveling down, I touch and tease your tuft of fur, enjoy the feel and texture and the noise you make as you try to make me touch you down there.
My fingers travel and tease your womanhood, caressing and teasing outside your lips. The fill and swell like a flower; your scent fills the air. I slide my finger over your lower lips but I do not enter, I tease you more, your dampness and scent growing. You now growl at me, your hunger getting heavier.
Then I slide between your legs and inhale your musky scent, I grow dizzy from the scent I love and want.
My tongue traces the outside, over and over, not touching where you want.
Your clit throbs, your hips move.
I then make my move and strike at your clit with my tongue soft and fast almost a butterfly wing over and over you feel the heat climb, your kitty shows it’s hungry by getting wetter.
I change my stroke to hard and slow, and then suck your clit and hold gently with my teeth as I flick and tease the tip with tip of my tonue.
Over and over I do this, your hips bucking your growls and moans louder.
Until the wall falls and you cum again and again and again for me, over and over I do this, until you are spent, exhausted.
I move along side of you, petting and caressing lovingly.
I give you water from a sippy cup.
I caress your hair and pet you until you sleep.
I watch you and smile. I get up for a smoke. I think how lucky I am to have a mortal goddess as a lover.
I sit in the dark, and smoke.
Pain.
Pain.
I hurt.
I ache.
a gnawing throughout my body.
It centralizes in my knee and my hips.
Darkness envelopes me as it seems to consume me.
the ache
the pain
the gnawing
What did i do to deserve this pain, what sin did i commit to have to live with this?
I limp and shuffle, as it is hard to move.
I feel joints pop and snap, Did you hear that?
I bite my lip, and place a smile on my face, I try not to show my weakness.
the ache
the pain
the gnawing
At times I want to die, to finally end this pain.
But I look around, I see the love
I have, the caring and affection.
I see My Angel smile
the ache recedes
the pain recedes
the gnawing dwindles.
I see my love, I see my playmates,
I see a baby laugh and feel and see the colors of it.
I realize the pain is just something that will help me grow
strong.
My pain makes me who and what I am
I am not crippled though my body seems to be.
I am loved and wanted, I am cherished.
the ache recedes
the pain recedes
the gnawing dwindles.
FRG 06/13/06
I hurt.
I ache.
a gnawing throughout my body.
It centralizes in my knee and my hips.
Darkness envelopes me as it seems to consume me.
the ache
the pain
the gnawing
What did i do to deserve this pain, what sin did i commit to have to live with this?
I limp and shuffle, as it is hard to move.
I feel joints pop and snap, Did you hear that?
I bite my lip, and place a smile on my face, I try not to show my weakness.
the ache
the pain
the gnawing
At times I want to die, to finally end this pain.
But I look around, I see the love
I have, the caring and affection.
I see My Angel smile
the ache recedes
the pain recedes
the gnawing dwindles.
I see my love, I see my playmates,
I see a baby laugh and feel and see the colors of it.
I realize the pain is just something that will help me grow
strong.
My pain makes me who and what I am
I am not crippled though my body seems to be.
I am loved and wanted, I am cherished.
the ache recedes
the pain recedes
the gnawing dwindles.
FRG 06/13/06
Love Lisa
I love you more with each breath I take
I love you more with each beat of my heart I love you all that you are I love you all that you were I love you all that you will become I love our life together now I love our life together in the past I love our life together in the futute
Your love grants me the strength to heal and grow to become a man I feel worthy of all that you give to me,
Your give you to me so freely and lovingly
For the first time in my life I truely understand and have Unconditional Love for me.
I love you unconditionall and with all that I am
I hold you in my arms and climb the star, and ride the dragons back with you for new and for eternity.
LOVE YOU!!!
Frog,
2-18-06
I love you more with each beat of my heart I love you all that you are I love you all that you were I love you all that you will become I love our life together now I love our life together in the past I love our life together in the futute
Your love grants me the strength to heal and grow to become a man I feel worthy of all that you give to me,
Your give you to me so freely and lovingly
For the first time in my life I truely understand and have Unconditional Love for me.
I love you unconditionall and with all that I am
I hold you in my arms and climb the star, and ride the dragons back with you for new and for eternity.
LOVE YOU!!!
Frog,
2-18-06
Desire
*desire burns and grows, wants become needs, passion flow*
*come and release me my love and feel and flow together*
*come and release me my love and feel and flow together*
Home
Home
-----------
When I am in pain you are here.
When I melt down you are here.
As my selves come out and heal you are here.
You are loving me, even when I am feeling unlovable.
Loving and healing me is what you do for me.
I hope and pray, I do the same for you.
I am blessed by Goddess each day we share.
I care and love you.
Someday I will more whole and I shall love you even then.
You are my now and my future as I am your.
No closed doors, no more alone.
For together we are home.
FRGD 10/14/08
-----------
When I am in pain you are here.
When I melt down you are here.
As my selves come out and heal you are here.
You are loving me, even when I am feeling unlovable.
Loving and healing me is what you do for me.
I hope and pray, I do the same for you.
I am blessed by Goddess each day we share.
I care and love you.
Someday I will more whole and I shall love you even then.
You are my now and my future as I am your.
No closed doors, no more alone.
For together we are home.
FRGD 10/14/08
7/18/10 Stupid Man
7/18/10 Stupid Man
Stupid man
Hurts her again and again.
Losing her faith
Breakin her heart
Stupid man
Stupid love and desire.
Breaking upon the rocks
He saw he dived headfirst
He hurts her
He didn’t mean to
Gentle heart beautiful heart
Stupid man
Heart too big
Desire too big
Stupid man.
She grrrs
He stupid man
Loving more then 1
Is he greedy
Is he betraying her
Stupid man
He loves her and her
Is he hurting them both?
Stupid man
Why is love so hard
Why is love hard to share
Why does it have to hurt
STUPID MAN
Stupid man
Hurts her again and again.
Losing her faith
Breakin her heart
Stupid man
Stupid love and desire.
Breaking upon the rocks
He saw he dived headfirst
He hurts her
He didn’t mean to
Gentle heart beautiful heart
Stupid man
Heart too big
Desire too big
Stupid man.
She grrrs
He stupid man
Loving more then 1
Is he greedy
Is he betraying her
Stupid man
He loves her and her
Is he hurting them both?
Stupid man
Why is love so hard
Why is love hard to share
Why does it have to hurt
STUPID MAN
Letter was gonna send to step dad
I am writing this to let you know how I feel.
I know you don’t believe in me or even care, you have not an iota of respect for me, you feel I will never walk again and just be a fat blubbery cripple for rest of life. Well I will lose weight and walk again.
I have let tons of pain go over the years where you have been involved…
I have let go that you stole my paper route money, you were supposed to put in bank and you kept it.
I let go you kept most of the money Roy, Bart and I found on highway by the Viet Nam vet who had flashback and tossed his wallet out, even after finding wallet and contacting him and him saying the boys could have the money.
I let go you punching me in nose for having an extra pork chop mom said I could have at dinner.
I let go when you tried to strangle and kill me 3 times during your drunken diabetic blackouts.
I let go you and Mom never coming to any of my school events, whether was sports or music, you never supported me.
I let go the fact with your way of being we seldom were allowed to have friends over.
I let go the fact when I had small group of friends over in one of your diabetic drinking bouts you came out your room naked 2 times and peed in the kitchen in the corner.
I let go you sucker punching me in face with mom in middle of the argument begging me not to hit you.
I let go fact that your dislike of me had my mother have me move out for one of your anniversaries.
I let go fact that while I was homeless Mom wanting to keep you happy would not let me come home so I lived on the streets, in back seat of cars of guys I knew were out to see, on the floor of people’s homes, in drain pipes and even a crypt for 16months.
I let go when you helped Roy buy a motorcycle and not help me buy a car.
I let go when you gave Roy a pc for Christmas, the girls laptops and I got a plastic blue harmonica and $2.00 pocket tool.
I let go you gave Roy a truck.
You spent thousands of dollars on a dog’s rehab to walk.
I have even thought was cool when you gave Nikki a car, 6 months insurance and 6 months xm radio. And forgave her stealing your credit card.
I have asked you for help 4x in my whole adult life, you were supposed to be my dad someone I could count on.
Yes, I asked for help when I was married to Jan for 800.00 to pay mortgage.
I told you I wanted the select comfort bed, you sent me the money for that, but my ac/heater died and so instead of the bed I got a replacement for a decent price for ac even if not proper one for my home, ac is a need in Texas when it gets over 100 degrees everyday in summer so I looked out for me and family, a responsible act and you got pissed at that.
I asked for help with getting new chair for me to sleep and live in while being cripple, you said yes but I was able to get my chair fixed so didn’t need to take that money.
Now when I asked for help to save our home for back property taxes, 1st you said Yes, I was ever so grateful, you asked to be sent paperwork showing that I was telling truth. I did so in good faith. I called a week later you changed your mind, decided NO. and then told me to make a deal with state, give them a little they will take it and deal with you, well your information is faulty, they will not allow that or make a deal that we can afford. We have 5 months now to come with full amount or we lose home. As for the how and why we got here, mistakes happen..
I have asked for paperwork back 3x now since you have no need for it, I still have not gotten it.
Please return it ASAP.
This will probably be last time you ever hear from me, as I do not ever want to be hurt by you again.
I have nothing to remind me of my mother, you have everything of hers.
So thank you once again for reminding me I am less than nothing to you, return our paperwork.
I know you don’t believe in me or even care, you have not an iota of respect for me, you feel I will never walk again and just be a fat blubbery cripple for rest of life. Well I will lose weight and walk again.
I have let tons of pain go over the years where you have been involved…
I have let go that you stole my paper route money, you were supposed to put in bank and you kept it.
I let go you kept most of the money Roy, Bart and I found on highway by the Viet Nam vet who had flashback and tossed his wallet out, even after finding wallet and contacting him and him saying the boys could have the money.
I let go you punching me in nose for having an extra pork chop mom said I could have at dinner.
I let go when you tried to strangle and kill me 3 times during your drunken diabetic blackouts.
I let go you and Mom never coming to any of my school events, whether was sports or music, you never supported me.
I let go the fact with your way of being we seldom were allowed to have friends over.
I let go the fact when I had small group of friends over in one of your diabetic drinking bouts you came out your room naked 2 times and peed in the kitchen in the corner.
I let go you sucker punching me in face with mom in middle of the argument begging me not to hit you.
I let go fact that your dislike of me had my mother have me move out for one of your anniversaries.
I let go fact that while I was homeless Mom wanting to keep you happy would not let me come home so I lived on the streets, in back seat of cars of guys I knew were out to see, on the floor of people’s homes, in drain pipes and even a crypt for 16months.
I let go when you helped Roy buy a motorcycle and not help me buy a car.
I let go when you gave Roy a pc for Christmas, the girls laptops and I got a plastic blue harmonica and $2.00 pocket tool.
I let go you gave Roy a truck.
You spent thousands of dollars on a dog’s rehab to walk.
I have even thought was cool when you gave Nikki a car, 6 months insurance and 6 months xm radio. And forgave her stealing your credit card.
I have asked you for help 4x in my whole adult life, you were supposed to be my dad someone I could count on.
Yes, I asked for help when I was married to Jan for 800.00 to pay mortgage.
I told you I wanted the select comfort bed, you sent me the money for that, but my ac/heater died and so instead of the bed I got a replacement for a decent price for ac even if not proper one for my home, ac is a need in Texas when it gets over 100 degrees everyday in summer so I looked out for me and family, a responsible act and you got pissed at that.
I asked for help with getting new chair for me to sleep and live in while being cripple, you said yes but I was able to get my chair fixed so didn’t need to take that money.
Now when I asked for help to save our home for back property taxes, 1st you said Yes, I was ever so grateful, you asked to be sent paperwork showing that I was telling truth. I did so in good faith. I called a week later you changed your mind, decided NO. and then told me to make a deal with state, give them a little they will take it and deal with you, well your information is faulty, they will not allow that or make a deal that we can afford. We have 5 months now to come with full amount or we lose home. As for the how and why we got here, mistakes happen..
I have asked for paperwork back 3x now since you have no need for it, I still have not gotten it.
Please return it ASAP.
This will probably be last time you ever hear from me, as I do not ever want to be hurt by you again.
I have nothing to remind me of my mother, you have everything of hers.
So thank you once again for reminding me I am less than nothing to you, return our paperwork.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
May 5, 2010
May 5, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Generic - Brown Rice - Cooked, 1 cup 334 70g 0g 8g 0mg 6mg 0g 4g
Homemade - Meat Sauce for Spaghetti, 1 cup 293 15g 13g 30g 48mg 624mg 0g 4g
Lunch
Homemade - Meat Sauce for Spaghetti, 1 cup 293 15g 13g 30g 48mg 624mg 0g 4g
Generic - Brown Rice - Cooked, 1 cup 334 70g 0g 8g 0mg 6mg 0g 4g
Dinner
Home Prepared - Meatloaf, 2 slice 992 20g 30g 56g 430mg 1,200mg 0g 2g
Cooking Light - Roasted Potatoes, 6 Potatoes 336 62g 6g 11g 8mg 298mg 0g 6g
TOTAL: 2,582 252g 62g 143g 534mg 2,758mg 0g 24g
Food Notes
12pm bs 416
had reg sugar in tea, was out of splenda.
32oz ice tea reg sugar
32oz ice tea reg sugar OMG SUGARS ARE HIGH
2am bs 353
Exercises Calories Minutes Sets Reps Weight
Strength Training
Dumbbell Press, Seated, Palms-In 2 25 8
Wrist Curl 4 25 8
Abdominal Leg Raise 2 30
Sitting Dumbell Curl 2 25 8
Dumbell Buterflies 2 25 8
TOTALS: 0 0 12 130 32
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Generic - Brown Rice - Cooked, 1 cup 334 70g 0g 8g 0mg 6mg 0g 4g
Homemade - Meat Sauce for Spaghetti, 1 cup 293 15g 13g 30g 48mg 624mg 0g 4g
Lunch
Homemade - Meat Sauce for Spaghetti, 1 cup 293 15g 13g 30g 48mg 624mg 0g 4g
Generic - Brown Rice - Cooked, 1 cup 334 70g 0g 8g 0mg 6mg 0g 4g
Dinner
Home Prepared - Meatloaf, 2 slice 992 20g 30g 56g 430mg 1,200mg 0g 2g
Cooking Light - Roasted Potatoes, 6 Potatoes 336 62g 6g 11g 8mg 298mg 0g 6g
TOTAL: 2,582 252g 62g 143g 534mg 2,758mg 0g 24g
Food Notes
12pm bs 416
had reg sugar in tea, was out of splenda.
32oz ice tea reg sugar
32oz ice tea reg sugar OMG SUGARS ARE HIGH
2am bs 353
Exercises Calories Minutes Sets Reps Weight
Strength Training
Dumbbell Press, Seated, Palms-In 2 25 8
Wrist Curl 4 25 8
Abdominal Leg Raise 2 30
Sitting Dumbell Curl 2 25 8
Dumbell Buterflies 2 25 8
TOTALS: 0 0 12 130 32
Sunday, May 2, 2010
May 2, 2010
May 2, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Egg - Grade A - Large (Fried), 3 large egg (50g) 210 3g 14g 18g 645mg 195mg 0g 0g
Kroger - Sliced Bacon, 6 slices 180 0g 12g 12g 30mg 840mg 0g 0g
Lunch
Heather's Homemade - Enchilada Cassarole, 4 piece 1,252 62g 70g 99g 344mg 4,420mg 18g 12g
Dinner
Winco - Beef Rump Roast, Roasted, Lean Only, 3 oz 182 0g 7g 29g 88mg 37mg 0g 0g
Asda - Giant Yorkshire Pudding, 1 pudding 272 40g 9g 8g 0mg 200mg 6g 2g
TOTAL: 2,096 105g 112g 166g 1,107mg 5,692mg 24g 14g
Food Notes
12pm bs 297
12oz coffee creamer splenda
32oz ice tea splenda
amazing moment and TMI MOMENT:
was laying in bed and had an itch in a normally in accessible area I reached it and was like OMG!!!!! and then scratch til i bled. BAD BAD BAD Fred.. but how freaking awesome!!!!!!!!!
Had major sweet cuddle love time with my Angel, I feel balanced and full. *Swoon*
32oz ice tea
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Egg - Grade A - Large (Fried), 3 large egg (50g) 210 3g 14g 18g 645mg 195mg 0g 0g
Kroger - Sliced Bacon, 6 slices 180 0g 12g 12g 30mg 840mg 0g 0g
Lunch
Heather's Homemade - Enchilada Cassarole, 4 piece 1,252 62g 70g 99g 344mg 4,420mg 18g 12g
Dinner
Winco - Beef Rump Roast, Roasted, Lean Only, 3 oz 182 0g 7g 29g 88mg 37mg 0g 0g
Asda - Giant Yorkshire Pudding, 1 pudding 272 40g 9g 8g 0mg 200mg 6g 2g
TOTAL: 2,096 105g 112g 166g 1,107mg 5,692mg 24g 14g
Food Notes
12pm bs 297
12oz coffee creamer splenda
32oz ice tea splenda
amazing moment and TMI MOMENT:
was laying in bed and had an itch in a normally in accessible area I reached it and was like OMG!!!!! and then scratch til i bled. BAD BAD BAD Fred.. but how freaking awesome!!!!!!!!!
Had major sweet cuddle love time with my Angel, I feel balanced and full. *Swoon*
32oz ice tea
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
YEA ME!!
Ok, so a good news moment to share.... was stumping to the bathroom today and well I walked through door without turning sideways. i had to do it 2x to make sure i wasnt imagining it, thought i happened yesterday but by time my registered was at potty and ready to go, wasnt sure i i walked through or just spaced and sidestepeed as i normally did. YEA ME!!
April 27, 2010
April 27, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Generic - Hamburger, 2 patty 400 0g 8g 8g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
Lunch
Generic - Homemade Hamburger Patty Plain, 1/2 lb cooked 464 0g 32g 40g 146mg 680mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Chinese - Steamed White Rice - 1 Cup, 1 cup 150 0g 0g 0g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
Generic - Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast Cooked, 6 oz 212 0g 0g 0g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
TOTAL: 1,226 0g 40g 48g 146mg 680mg 0g 0g
Food Notes
1pm BS 360
32oz ice tea splenda
32oz ice tea splenda
32oz ice tea splenda
12oz diet dr pepper
2am BS 306
I am feeling positive even though i am tired.
I have gotten feed back from some people who contacted me out of the blue telling me that by reading my blogs and such that i have touched them and helped them know they are not alone, and have inspired some to work on their health issues and even reach out to help others who are down and struggling. I am gobsmacked when i read that stuff. I am just fat man doing what he can to get healthy again. I post to remind self to be honest and keep fighting. I am embarred my life got this way, but i am going to fight all the way til i am healthy walking and touching and hugging the world again.
I am considering tryin college somehow to see about working on a degree to become a consider/therapist. I think that world needs someone like me, someone who has beaten drugs, booze, cigs *many times* *but i may pick them back up someday I miss them* I am open to alt lifestyles, bdsm, gay, transgender, swingers, Poly and am a Pagan. I think people go for help and seems i hear too many stories from people who live and love outside traditional loves and relationships are judged and often told to find "god" they came for help not to be judged. I am sending this all over and letting you all know Love you, Love your selves and with your love and support to me since May 2009 I have lost 78lbs on my own. Thank you
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Generic - Hamburger, 2 patty 400 0g 8g 8g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
Lunch
Generic - Homemade Hamburger Patty Plain, 1/2 lb cooked 464 0g 32g 40g 146mg 680mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Chinese - Steamed White Rice - 1 Cup, 1 cup 150 0g 0g 0g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
Generic - Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast Cooked, 6 oz 212 0g 0g 0g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
TOTAL: 1,226 0g 40g 48g 146mg 680mg 0g 0g
Food Notes
1pm BS 360
32oz ice tea splenda
32oz ice tea splenda
32oz ice tea splenda
12oz diet dr pepper
2am BS 306
I am feeling positive even though i am tired.
I have gotten feed back from some people who contacted me out of the blue telling me that by reading my blogs and such that i have touched them and helped them know they are not alone, and have inspired some to work on their health issues and even reach out to help others who are down and struggling. I am gobsmacked when i read that stuff. I am just fat man doing what he can to get healthy again. I post to remind self to be honest and keep fighting. I am embarred my life got this way, but i am going to fight all the way til i am healthy walking and touching and hugging the world again.
I am considering tryin college somehow to see about working on a degree to become a consider/therapist. I think that world needs someone like me, someone who has beaten drugs, booze, cigs *many times* *but i may pick them back up someday I miss them* I am open to alt lifestyles, bdsm, gay, transgender, swingers, Poly and am a Pagan. I think people go for help and seems i hear too many stories from people who live and love outside traditional loves and relationships are judged and often told to find "god" they came for help not to be judged. I am sending this all over and letting you all know Love you, Love your selves and with your love and support to me since May 2009 I have lost 78lbs on my own. Thank you
Friday, April 16, 2010
April 16, 2010
April 16, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Heinz - Tomato Katchup, 1 Tbsp 15 4g 0g 0g 0mg 190mg 4g 0g
Best Foods - Light Mayo, 2 tbsp 70 2g 7g 0g 8mg 260mg 0g 0g
Generic - Homemade Hamburger Patty Plain, 1/2 lb cooked 464 0g 32g 40g 146mg 680mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Beef - Variety meats and by-products, liver, cooked, pan-fried, 5 slice (yield from 112g raw liver) 709 21g 19g 107g 1,543mg 312mg 0g 0g
Steak-Out - Grilled Onions, 3 OZ 42 8g 0g 0g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
Snacks
Generic - Navel Orange, 3 medium 192 48g 0g 3g 0mg 0mg 42g 6g
TOTAL: 1,492 83g 58g 150g 1,697mg 1,442mg 46g 6g
Food Notes
12pm bs 336
32oz ice tea
12oz coffee/creamer/splenda
32oz ice tea
P.A Richie came by today, upped insulin from 44/34 to 55/45 let's hope this help sugar lower.
I am tired and still feeling weak, Lisa made me liver and onions i have heard that can help you blood and iron count get better faster.
running low on oranges YIKES!
Lisa and I are alone both kids gone, David for the weekend and Heather at the new job, we got a naked weekend plannned WOOT!
Lisa oranges!!!! Liver and onions was yummy!!!
32oz ice tea
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Heinz - Tomato Katchup, 1 Tbsp 15 4g 0g 0g 0mg 190mg 4g 0g
Best Foods - Light Mayo, 2 tbsp 70 2g 7g 0g 8mg 260mg 0g 0g
Generic - Homemade Hamburger Patty Plain, 1/2 lb cooked 464 0g 32g 40g 146mg 680mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Beef - Variety meats and by-products, liver, cooked, pan-fried, 5 slice (yield from 112g raw liver) 709 21g 19g 107g 1,543mg 312mg 0g 0g
Steak-Out - Grilled Onions, 3 OZ 42 8g 0g 0g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
Snacks
Generic - Navel Orange, 3 medium 192 48g 0g 3g 0mg 0mg 42g 6g
TOTAL: 1,492 83g 58g 150g 1,697mg 1,442mg 46g 6g
Food Notes
12pm bs 336
32oz ice tea
12oz coffee/creamer/splenda
32oz ice tea
P.A Richie came by today, upped insulin from 44/34 to 55/45 let's hope this help sugar lower.
I am tired and still feeling weak, Lisa made me liver and onions i have heard that can help you blood and iron count get better faster.
running low on oranges YIKES!
Lisa and I are alone both kids gone, David for the weekend and Heather at the new job, we got a naked weekend plannned WOOT!
Lisa oranges!!!! Liver and onions was yummy!!!
32oz ice tea
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
April 14, 2010
April 14, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Great Value (Pd) - Sliced Non-Smoked Provolone Cheese, 2 slice 140 0g 10g 10g 30mg 340mg 0g 0g
Fiorucci - Hard Salami, 3 oz. (28 g) 330 3g 27g 15g 75mg 1,500mg 0g 0g
Lunch
Generic - Homemade Hamburger Patty Plain, 1/2 lb cooked 464 0g 32g 40g 146mg 680mg 0g 0g
Frito Lay - Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips 1 1/2 oz, 1 1/2 oz 210 29g 10g 3g 0mg 300mg 3g 4g
Kraft - American Cheese Fat Free Singles, 2 slice 50 4g 0g 8g 10mg 500mg 2g 0g
Dinner
Daisy - Sour Cream, 2 tbsp 60 1g 5g 1g 20mg 15mg 1g 0g
Beef - Ground, 70% lean / 30% fat, loaf, cooked, baked, 2 serving ( 3 oz ) 398 0g 26g 41g 112mg 124mg 0g 0g
Snacks
Generic - Navel Orange, 3 medium 192 48g 0g 3g 0mg 0mg 42g 6g
TOTAL: 1,844 85g 110g 121g 393mg 3,459mg 48g 10g
Food Notes
1pm bs 288
32oz ice tea splenda
32oz ice tea splenda
3pm bs 416
32oz ice tea splenda
12oz diet coke.
i feel tired and weak, i think is from blood loss yesterday, saw the Col today, she seemed to be pleased with my working on food control, kinda proud of self. looks like surgery for thing on back, got consult tues then find when they slice me.
32oz ice tea splenda.
I love my Lisa, she is truly a mortal embodiment of Goddess Qwan Yen, Goddess of Mercy and Healing. she loved my broken fat ass and still respects me. it amazes me, she never says mean things or belittles me. i guess i do nuff that on my own.
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Great Value (Pd) - Sliced Non-Smoked Provolone Cheese, 2 slice 140 0g 10g 10g 30mg 340mg 0g 0g
Fiorucci - Hard Salami, 3 oz. (28 g) 330 3g 27g 15g 75mg 1,500mg 0g 0g
Lunch
Generic - Homemade Hamburger Patty Plain, 1/2 lb cooked 464 0g 32g 40g 146mg 680mg 0g 0g
Frito Lay - Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips 1 1/2 oz, 1 1/2 oz 210 29g 10g 3g 0mg 300mg 3g 4g
Kraft - American Cheese Fat Free Singles, 2 slice 50 4g 0g 8g 10mg 500mg 2g 0g
Dinner
Daisy - Sour Cream, 2 tbsp 60 1g 5g 1g 20mg 15mg 1g 0g
Beef - Ground, 70% lean / 30% fat, loaf, cooked, baked, 2 serving ( 3 oz ) 398 0g 26g 41g 112mg 124mg 0g 0g
Snacks
Generic - Navel Orange, 3 medium 192 48g 0g 3g 0mg 0mg 42g 6g
TOTAL: 1,844 85g 110g 121g 393mg 3,459mg 48g 10g
Food Notes
1pm bs 288
32oz ice tea splenda
32oz ice tea splenda
3pm bs 416
32oz ice tea splenda
12oz diet coke.
i feel tired and weak, i think is from blood loss yesterday, saw the Col today, she seemed to be pleased with my working on food control, kinda proud of self. looks like surgery for thing on back, got consult tues then find when they slice me.
32oz ice tea splenda.
I love my Lisa, she is truly a mortal embodiment of Goddess Qwan Yen, Goddess of Mercy and Healing. she loved my broken fat ass and still respects me. it amazes me, she never says mean things or belittles me. i guess i do nuff that on my own.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
April 13, 2010
I didnt like the links, was feeling less personal so i am back to copy paste my day.
April 13, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Generic - Center Cut Boneless Pork Chop, 6 oz 320 0g 12g 52g 130mg 100mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Heinz - Tomato Katchup, 1 Tbsp 15 4g 0g 0g 0mg 190mg 4g 0g
Generic - Hamburger, 2 patty 400 0g 8g 8g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
Claussen - Pickles - Hearty Garlic Deli Style Sandwich Slices, 1 serving (34 g) 5 1g 0g 0g 0mg 320mg 1g 0g
Kraft - Macaroni & Cheese (As Packaged), 2.5 oz 260 48g 4g 9g 15mg 580mg 6g 1g
Snacks
Generic - Navel Orange, 1 medium 64 16g 0g 1g 0mg 0mg 14g 2g
Generic - Navel Orange, 1 medium 64 16g 0g 1g 0mg 0mg 14g 2g
TOTAL: 1,128 85g 24g 71g 145mg 1,190mg 39g 5g
Food Notes
12oopm bs 334
32os ice tea splenda
bs 3pm 346
32oz ice tea splenda
120z diet dr pepper
32oz ice tea splenda
9pm bs 319
What a fun day, spot on back exploded and i bled out for about hour, all pads and rags looks like a gun shot. I guess i am looking a surgery to get this shit removed.
think i lost a pint or more of blood, am tired, doc has been reported to, another road antibiotics being ordered and surgery gonna be scheduled. drinkin some fluids now gonna try to nap.
am over on carbs but am under cals.
32oz ice tea splenda
April 13, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Generic - Center Cut Boneless Pork Chop, 6 oz 320 0g 12g 52g 130mg 100mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Heinz - Tomato Katchup, 1 Tbsp 15 4g 0g 0g 0mg 190mg 4g 0g
Generic - Hamburger, 2 patty 400 0g 8g 8g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
Claussen - Pickles - Hearty Garlic Deli Style Sandwich Slices, 1 serving (34 g) 5 1g 0g 0g 0mg 320mg 1g 0g
Kraft - Macaroni & Cheese (As Packaged), 2.5 oz 260 48g 4g 9g 15mg 580mg 6g 1g
Snacks
Generic - Navel Orange, 1 medium 64 16g 0g 1g 0mg 0mg 14g 2g
Generic - Navel Orange, 1 medium 64 16g 0g 1g 0mg 0mg 14g 2g
TOTAL: 1,128 85g 24g 71g 145mg 1,190mg 39g 5g
Food Notes
12oopm bs 334
32os ice tea splenda
bs 3pm 346
32oz ice tea splenda
120z diet dr pepper
32oz ice tea splenda
9pm bs 319
What a fun day, spot on back exploded and i bled out for about hour, all pads and rags looks like a gun shot. I guess i am looking a surgery to get this shit removed.
think i lost a pint or more of blood, am tired, doc has been reported to, another road antibiotics being ordered and surgery gonna be scheduled. drinkin some fluids now gonna try to nap.
am over on carbs but am under cals.
32oz ice tea splenda
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
My daily food diary: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/BrattPrinz
My daily food diary: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/BrattPrinz
Sunday, April 4, 2010
April 4, 2010
April 4, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Eggs - Fried (whole egg), 4 large 370 2g 28g 25g 841mg 375mg 2g 0g
Kroger - Sliced Bacon, 6 slices 180 0g 12g 12g 30mg 840mg 0g 0g
Lunch
Cosco - Rotisserie Chicken, 9 oz 420 0g 21g 57g 165mg 1,380mg 2g 0g
Dinner
Lucerne - Monterey Jack Natural Cheese, 1 oz 100 1g 8g 7g 30mg 170mg 0g 0g
Giant - Baby Spinach Raw, 1 cups 5 1g 0g 1g 0mg 16mg 0g 1g
Daisy Brand - Sour Cream, 1 Tbsp. (30g each serving) 30 1g 3g 1g 10mg 8mg 1g 0g
Beef - Ground, 75% lean meat / 25% fat, crumbles, cooked, pan-browned (hamburger), 2 portion ( yield from 1/2 lb raw meat ) 770 0g 51g 73g 247mg 259mg 0g 0g
Snacks
Fresh Fruit Medium Pear - Pear, 1 pear, medium 98 26g 0g 0g 0mg 2mg 16g 5g
TOTAL: 1,973 31g 123g 176g 1,323mg 3,050mg 21g 6g
Food Notes
1239 bs 301
12oz coffee creamer splenda
20oz ice tea splenda
20oz ice tea splenda
20oz ice tea splenda
1230am BS 336
I am hungry, very hungry, i am jealous the family can eat lots of tatos and pasta and rice, i can't really have any cuz it shoots my calories all over fuck. 1850 is not a lot to enjoy life on, i have gone over again but i am trying... I am sad other day we made chicken and they made rice, Lisa mixed the chicken dripping with the rice and gave to the dogs, is one of my favorite tastes. i feel like i am being punished and hate that. I am trying to do what is "good" for body i dont think i am going to be able to work with the Colonel and her diet regime. at least on Atkins SouthBeach i am not hungry. even if cant eat rice and pasta.
Exercises Calories Minutes Sets Reps Weight
Strength Training
Dumbbell Press, Seated, Palms-In 4 25 8
Sitting Dumbell Curl 4 25 8
Dumbell Buterflies 4 25 8
Wrist Curl 8 30 8
TOTALS: 0 0 20 105 32
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Eggs - Fried (whole egg), 4 large 370 2g 28g 25g 841mg 375mg 2g 0g
Kroger - Sliced Bacon, 6 slices 180 0g 12g 12g 30mg 840mg 0g 0g
Lunch
Cosco - Rotisserie Chicken, 9 oz 420 0g 21g 57g 165mg 1,380mg 2g 0g
Dinner
Lucerne - Monterey Jack Natural Cheese, 1 oz 100 1g 8g 7g 30mg 170mg 0g 0g
Giant - Baby Spinach Raw, 1 cups 5 1g 0g 1g 0mg 16mg 0g 1g
Daisy Brand - Sour Cream, 1 Tbsp. (30g each serving) 30 1g 3g 1g 10mg 8mg 1g 0g
Beef - Ground, 75% lean meat / 25% fat, crumbles, cooked, pan-browned (hamburger), 2 portion ( yield from 1/2 lb raw meat ) 770 0g 51g 73g 247mg 259mg 0g 0g
Snacks
Fresh Fruit Medium Pear - Pear, 1 pear, medium 98 26g 0g 0g 0mg 2mg 16g 5g
TOTAL: 1,973 31g 123g 176g 1,323mg 3,050mg 21g 6g
Food Notes
1239 bs 301
12oz coffee creamer splenda
20oz ice tea splenda
20oz ice tea splenda
20oz ice tea splenda
1230am BS 336
I am hungry, very hungry, i am jealous the family can eat lots of tatos and pasta and rice, i can't really have any cuz it shoots my calories all over fuck. 1850 is not a lot to enjoy life on, i have gone over again but i am trying... I am sad other day we made chicken and they made rice, Lisa mixed the chicken dripping with the rice and gave to the dogs, is one of my favorite tastes. i feel like i am being punished and hate that. I am trying to do what is "good" for body i dont think i am going to be able to work with the Colonel and her diet regime. at least on Atkins SouthBeach i am not hungry. even if cant eat rice and pasta.
Exercises Calories Minutes Sets Reps Weight
Strength Training
Dumbbell Press, Seated, Palms-In 4 25 8
Sitting Dumbell Curl 4 25 8
Dumbell Buterflies 4 25 8
Wrist Curl 8 30 8
TOTALS: 0 0 20 105 32
Saturday, April 3, 2010
April 3, 2010
April 3, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Best Foods - Mayo, 4 tbsp 360 0g 40g 0g 20mg 360mg 0g 0g
Kroger - Sliced Bacon, 6 slices 180 0g 12g 12g 30mg 840mg 0g 0g
Fresh Produce - Sliced Tomato, 4 slice 12 2g 0g 0g 0mg 4mg 2g 1g
Generic - Baby Fresh Spinach, 2 cup 17 2g 0g 2g 0mg 53mg 0g 2g
Generic - Asparagus, 10 spears 50 8g 0g 4g 0mg 0mg 4g 4g
Lunch
Grocery Store Brand - Chuck Roast - No Gravy, 10 oz. 625 0g 45g 45g 188mg 475mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Generic - Spinach, Fresh, Boiled, Drained, No Salt Added, 1 cup cooked 42 7g 0g 5g 0mg 126mg 1g 4g
Idaho - Potato, White, Boiled In Skin With Salt, 1/2 cup (78 g) 68 16g 0g 1g 0mg 187mg 1g 2g
Beef - Ground, 70% lean / 30% fat, loaf, cooked, baked, 1 serving ( 3 oz ) 199 0g 13g 20g 56mg 62mg 0g 0g
Snacks
Lucerne - Monterey Jack Natural Cheese, 2 oz 200 2g 16g 14g 60mg 340mg 0g 0g
Land O' Frost - Thin Sliced Ham, 1 package 90 1g 5g 9g 30mg 690mg 0g 0g
Mrs. Bairds - Large Enriched Sliced Bread, 2 Slice 140 26g 2g 4g 0mg 230mg 2g 2g
TOTAL: 1,983 64g 133g 116g 384mg 3,367mg 10g 15g
Food Notes
fasting sugar 303
12oz coffee splenda creamer
bs 530pm 3hrs after eating 301
2 20oz ice tea splenda
am hungry, this 1850 leaves me hungry and wanting.
12oz can diet ginger ale
20oz ice tea splenda
Exercises Calories Minutes Sets Reps Weight
Strength Training
Dumbbell Press, Seated, Palms-In 1 50 8
Wrist Curl 1 60 8
Abdominal Leg Raise 1 30
TOTALS: 0 0 3 140 16
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Best Foods - Mayo, 4 tbsp 360 0g 40g 0g 20mg 360mg 0g 0g
Kroger - Sliced Bacon, 6 slices 180 0g 12g 12g 30mg 840mg 0g 0g
Fresh Produce - Sliced Tomato, 4 slice 12 2g 0g 0g 0mg 4mg 2g 1g
Generic - Baby Fresh Spinach, 2 cup 17 2g 0g 2g 0mg 53mg 0g 2g
Generic - Asparagus, 10 spears 50 8g 0g 4g 0mg 0mg 4g 4g
Lunch
Grocery Store Brand - Chuck Roast - No Gravy, 10 oz. 625 0g 45g 45g 188mg 475mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Generic - Spinach, Fresh, Boiled, Drained, No Salt Added, 1 cup cooked 42 7g 0g 5g 0mg 126mg 1g 4g
Idaho - Potato, White, Boiled In Skin With Salt, 1/2 cup (78 g) 68 16g 0g 1g 0mg 187mg 1g 2g
Beef - Ground, 70% lean / 30% fat, loaf, cooked, baked, 1 serving ( 3 oz ) 199 0g 13g 20g 56mg 62mg 0g 0g
Snacks
Lucerne - Monterey Jack Natural Cheese, 2 oz 200 2g 16g 14g 60mg 340mg 0g 0g
Land O' Frost - Thin Sliced Ham, 1 package 90 1g 5g 9g 30mg 690mg 0g 0g
Mrs. Bairds - Large Enriched Sliced Bread, 2 Slice 140 26g 2g 4g 0mg 230mg 2g 2g
TOTAL: 1,983 64g 133g 116g 384mg 3,367mg 10g 15g
Food Notes
fasting sugar 303
12oz coffee splenda creamer
bs 530pm 3hrs after eating 301
2 20oz ice tea splenda
am hungry, this 1850 leaves me hungry and wanting.
12oz can diet ginger ale
20oz ice tea splenda
Exercises Calories Minutes Sets Reps Weight
Strength Training
Dumbbell Press, Seated, Palms-In 1 50 8
Wrist Curl 1 60 8
Abdominal Leg Raise 1 30
TOTALS: 0 0 3 140 16
Friday, April 2, 2010
April 2, 2010
April 2, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Beef - Ground, 75% lean meat / 25% fat, crumbles, cooked, pan-browned (hamburger), 1 portion ( yield from 1/2 lb raw meat ) 385 0g 25g 37g 124mg 129mg 0g 0g
Best Foods - Light Mayo, 2 tbsp 70 2g 7g 0g 8mg 260mg 0g 0g
Heinz - Tomato Katchup, 2 Tbsp 30 8g 0g 0g 0mg 380mg 8g 0g
Lunch
Beef - Ground, 70% lean / 30% fat, crumbles, cooked, pan-browned, 1 portion (yield from 1/2 lb raw meat ) 375 0g 25g 36g 122mg 133mg 0g 0g
Best Foods - Light Mayo, 2 tbsp 70 2g 7g 0g 8mg 260mg 0g 0g
Heinz - Tomato Katchup, 2 Tbsp 30 8g 0g 0g 0mg 380mg 8g 0g
Dinner
Subway 6 Inch - Meatball Marinarer W/No Cheese, 6 " sub 540 63g 19g 19g 30mg 1,420mg 13g 8g
Subway - 6 In Tuna White Bread, Lettuce, Onion, 1 sub 465 0g 0g 0g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
TOTAL: 1,965 83g 83g 92g 292mg 2,962mg 29g 8g
Food Notes
4 20oz ice tea splenda
bad hip pan day, hip snapped/popped hurt like hell
was actually half 6'' meatball sub
cold insulin am 336 wake up 359 2hrs after lunch 336 before dinner will test before bed.
am not happy with numbers so my theory might be wrong.
Exercise Notes
no exercises due to pain and back wound drainage.
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Beef - Ground, 75% lean meat / 25% fat, crumbles, cooked, pan-browned (hamburger), 1 portion ( yield from 1/2 lb raw meat ) 385 0g 25g 37g 124mg 129mg 0g 0g
Best Foods - Light Mayo, 2 tbsp 70 2g 7g 0g 8mg 260mg 0g 0g
Heinz - Tomato Katchup, 2 Tbsp 30 8g 0g 0g 0mg 380mg 8g 0g
Lunch
Beef - Ground, 70% lean / 30% fat, crumbles, cooked, pan-browned, 1 portion (yield from 1/2 lb raw meat ) 375 0g 25g 36g 122mg 133mg 0g 0g
Best Foods - Light Mayo, 2 tbsp 70 2g 7g 0g 8mg 260mg 0g 0g
Heinz - Tomato Katchup, 2 Tbsp 30 8g 0g 0g 0mg 380mg 8g 0g
Dinner
Subway 6 Inch - Meatball Marinarer W/No Cheese, 6 " sub 540 63g 19g 19g 30mg 1,420mg 13g 8g
Subway - 6 In Tuna White Bread, Lettuce, Onion, 1 sub 465 0g 0g 0g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
TOTAL: 1,965 83g 83g 92g 292mg 2,962mg 29g 8g
Food Notes
4 20oz ice tea splenda
bad hip pan day, hip snapped/popped hurt like hell
was actually half 6'' meatball sub
cold insulin am 336 wake up 359 2hrs after lunch 336 before dinner will test before bed.
am not happy with numbers so my theory might be wrong.
Exercise Notes
no exercises due to pain and back wound drainage.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
April 1, 2010
April 1, 2010
..
..
..
..
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Beef - Ground, 75% lean meat / 25% fat, crumbles, cooked, pan-browned (hamburger), 2 portion ( yield from 1/2 lb raw meat ) 770 0g 51g 73g 247mg 259mg 0g 0g Cheese - Parmesan, grated, 2 tbsp 43 0g 3g 4g 9mg 153mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Lucerne - Monterey Jack Natural Cheese, 1 oz 100 1g 8g 7g 30mg 170mg 0g 0g Heinz - Tomato Katchup, 2 Tbsp 30 8g 0g 0g 0mg 380mg 8g 0g Beef - Ground, 70% lean / 30% fat, loaf, cooked, baked, 4 serving ( 3 oz ) 796 0g 52g 81g 224mg 248mg 0g 0g
Snacks
Lucerne - Monterey Jack Natural Cheese, 2 oz 200 2g 16g 14g 60mg 340mg 0g 0g TOTAL: 1,939 11g 130g 179g 570mg 1,550mg 8g 0g
Food Notes
2 20oz tea
2 diet ginger ale
1 diet cherry 7up
sugars 336 336 359 295
I think i figured out my sugar issue: seems my insulin novolog should be fridge kept and unlike doc and diet person said room temp: on experiment i pulled fresh vial and sugar is down to 229. pharmacy said could be left out so if can left out why does bottle say store at 36-48 degree
..
..
..
..
Exercises Calories Minutes Sets Reps Weight
Strength Training
Standing One-Arm Dumbbell Curl 1 50 8 Dumbbell Press, Seated, Palms-In 2 50 8 Wrist Curl 1 60 8 Abdominal Leg Raise 1 30
Abdominal Crunches 1 100
TOTALS: 0 0 6 290 24
..
..
..
..
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Beef - Ground, 75% lean meat / 25% fat, crumbles, cooked, pan-browned (hamburger), 2 portion ( yield from 1/2 lb raw meat ) 770 0g 51g 73g 247mg 259mg 0g 0g Cheese - Parmesan, grated, 2 tbsp 43 0g 3g 4g 9mg 153mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Lucerne - Monterey Jack Natural Cheese, 1 oz 100 1g 8g 7g 30mg 170mg 0g 0g Heinz - Tomato Katchup, 2 Tbsp 30 8g 0g 0g 0mg 380mg 8g 0g Beef - Ground, 70% lean / 30% fat, loaf, cooked, baked, 4 serving ( 3 oz ) 796 0g 52g 81g 224mg 248mg 0g 0g
Snacks
Lucerne - Monterey Jack Natural Cheese, 2 oz 200 2g 16g 14g 60mg 340mg 0g 0g TOTAL: 1,939 11g 130g 179g 570mg 1,550mg 8g 0g
Food Notes
2 20oz tea
2 diet ginger ale
1 diet cherry 7up
sugars 336 336 359 295
I think i figured out my sugar issue: seems my insulin novolog should be fridge kept and unlike doc and diet person said room temp: on experiment i pulled fresh vial and sugar is down to 229. pharmacy said could be left out so if can left out why does bottle say store at 36-48 degree
..
..
..
..
Exercises Calories Minutes Sets Reps Weight
Strength Training
Standing One-Arm Dumbbell Curl 1 50 8 Dumbbell Press, Seated, Palms-In 2 50 8 Wrist Curl 1 60 8 Abdominal Leg Raise 1 30
Abdominal Crunches 1 100
TOTALS: 0 0 6 290 24
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
March 31, 2010
March 31, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Buffalo Wild Wings - Hot Wings, 10 wing 720 0g 50g 60g 260mg 660mg 0g 0g
Lunch
Buffalo Wild Wings - Hot Wings, 10 wing 720 0g 50g 60g 260mg 660mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Baked - Chicken (Homecooked), 3 piece 570 0g 36g 63g 330mg 150mg 0g 0g
California - Avacado, 1 oz 47 2g 4g 1g 0mg 2mg 0g 2g
Snacks
Baked - Chicken (Homecooked), 2 piece 380 0g 24g 42g 220mg 100mg 0g 0g
TOTAL: 2,437 2g 164g 226g 1,070mg 1,572mg 0g 2g
Food Notes
12oz coffee creamer/splenda
blood sugar 14hrs no food 1200pm 319
bs 5:00pm 22-3hrs after eating 356
bs 9:00pm 336
12oz diet cherry 7-up
1 20oz ice tea w splenda
2 20oz ice tea plain
have not eaten snack yet will about 24hrs
bs before bed:
Exercises Calories Minutes Sets Reps Weight
Strength Training
Standing One-Arm Dumbbell Curl 1 50 8
Dumbbell Press, Seated, Palms-In 1 50 8
Wrist Curl 1 60 8
Abdominal Leg Raise 1 30
TOTALS: 0 0 4 190 24
Exercise Notes
walked 50' 2x
walked 10' 2x
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Buffalo Wild Wings - Hot Wings, 10 wing 720 0g 50g 60g 260mg 660mg 0g 0g
Lunch
Buffalo Wild Wings - Hot Wings, 10 wing 720 0g 50g 60g 260mg 660mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Baked - Chicken (Homecooked), 3 piece 570 0g 36g 63g 330mg 150mg 0g 0g
California - Avacado, 1 oz 47 2g 4g 1g 0mg 2mg 0g 2g
Snacks
Baked - Chicken (Homecooked), 2 piece 380 0g 24g 42g 220mg 100mg 0g 0g
TOTAL: 2,437 2g 164g 226g 1,070mg 1,572mg 0g 2g
Food Notes
12oz coffee creamer/splenda
blood sugar 14hrs no food 1200pm 319
bs 5:00pm 22-3hrs after eating 356
bs 9:00pm 336
12oz diet cherry 7-up
1 20oz ice tea w splenda
2 20oz ice tea plain
have not eaten snack yet will about 24hrs
bs before bed:
Exercises Calories Minutes Sets Reps Weight
Strength Training
Standing One-Arm Dumbbell Curl 1 50 8
Dumbbell Press, Seated, Palms-In 1 50 8
Wrist Curl 1 60 8
Abdominal Leg Raise 1 30
TOTALS: 0 0 4 190 24
Exercise Notes
walked 50' 2x
walked 10' 2x
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
March 30, 2010
Learning to cope and deal again... I cant rebel against the Col, it will shoot me in my fat ass to fight her, i will just improvise so it works.
March 30, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Fish - Tilapia Fillets, 20 oz 500 0g 5g 100g 275mg 375mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Buffalo Wild Wings - Hot Wings, 11 wing 792 0g 55g 66g 286mg 726mg 0g 0g
Buffalo Wild Wings - Spicy Garlic Wings, 6 Wings 175 3g 12g 14g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
TOTAL: 1,467 3g 72g 180g 561mg 1,101mg 0g 0g
Totals 1,467 3 72 180
Your Daily Goal 1,800 90 10 338
Remaining 333 87 -62 158
Calories Carbs Fat Protein
Food Notes
60oz ice tea w splenda
32oz water
Sugar levels:
359 426 360 295 284
March 30, 2010
Foods Calories Carbs Fat Protein Cholest Sodium Sugars Fiber
Breakfast
Fish - Tilapia Fillets, 20 oz 500 0g 5g 100g 275mg 375mg 0g 0g
Dinner
Buffalo Wild Wings - Hot Wings, 11 wing 792 0g 55g 66g 286mg 726mg 0g 0g
Buffalo Wild Wings - Spicy Garlic Wings, 6 Wings 175 3g 12g 14g 0mg 0mg 0g 0g
TOTAL: 1,467 3g 72g 180g 561mg 1,101mg 0g 0g
Totals 1,467 3 72 180
Your Daily Goal 1,800 90 10 338
Remaining 333 87 -62 158
Calories Carbs Fat Protein
Food Notes
60oz ice tea w splenda
32oz water
Sugar levels:
359 426 360 295 284
fatman update
To let all know who follow I have lost about 78lbs on my own since May 2009 I for one am proud of that journey and will keep going, the fight is hard slow and hate it but i slip i get back up i do not stay down.
Helpful diet site
Found a site that looks like will really help me on my weight loss and planning.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com
Thank you Betty, if anyone wants to be diet buds, please send me email to fred @ frednlisa DOT com
I need help and will be glad to help you with talking and such.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com
Thank you Betty, if anyone wants to be diet buds, please send me email to fred @ frednlisa DOT com
I need help and will be glad to help you with talking and such.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Looking to the future.
Looking to the future.
brighter days ahead.
life of pain behind and the past will be dead.
chosen family and with some friends.
Fred and Lisa on the loose again.
laughter, grub, drinks and boobs.
I cant wait to reach out and grab a few.
I will let go past disappoints and people who don't care.
Throw my laughter way out... there. so come one come all. support those who don't wanna fall.
blood sugar:229 279
breakfast
beef and spinach bean burrito 10oz
lunch
10oz burger beans sour cream
dinner
3 english muffin pizza with mozzarella and tomato
snack
1oz cream cheese with ritz pretzel crackers
brighter days ahead.
life of pain behind and the past will be dead.
chosen family and with some friends.
Fred and Lisa on the loose again.
laughter, grub, drinks and boobs.
I cant wait to reach out and grab a few.
I will let go past disappoints and people who don't care.
Throw my laughter way out... there. so come one come all. support those who don't wanna fall.
blood sugar:229 279
breakfast
beef and spinach bean burrito 10oz
lunch
10oz burger beans sour cream
dinner
3 english muffin pizza with mozzarella and tomato
snack
1oz cream cheese with ritz pretzel crackers
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...10:04 PM 3/14/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...10:04 PM 3/14/2010
You may have noticed no blog for a few days, i have been feeling poorly and am in kinda fuck it mood.
am trying to get out of it, and have come to realize that of all friends lisa and i have had we have to who try to visit and do more then all rest we have,
Thank you Tiny and Heath and your boys, sorry i was sleeping today when you called to visit but am fighting this infection again.
it does make me deeply sad, that rest of friends are always too busy, but is life yes? so i send love to them and hope they will be healthy and happy and never know how it feels to be where I am. I am very blessed to have the love of Lisa she is my light and joy and she has not abandoned me during my time of brokenness.
i will heal and be whole again someday, and I shall truly treat and love her as the goddess I know she is.
but i will try to get better with food diary again but like i said i am who gives a fuck mood, when i realized the amount of people who give a fuck about me is very small compared to what i thought and felt it once was. if you feel slighted and hurt by reading this anyone sorry i am not saying to hurt but because how i feel and I hurt.
a list of sugars since 1st month:
march 1st draw 2nd draw
3/1/2010 230 260
3/2/2010 220 266
3/3/2010 250 236
3/4/2010 220 229
3/5/2010 215 172
3/6/2010 245 219
3/7/2010 218 240
3/8/2019 233 337
3/9/2010 273 269
3/10/2010 206 249
3/11/2010 239
3/12/2010 313 321
3/13/2010 272 280
14-Mar 332 346
You may have noticed no blog for a few days, i have been feeling poorly and am in kinda fuck it mood.
am trying to get out of it, and have come to realize that of all friends lisa and i have had we have to who try to visit and do more then all rest we have,
Thank you Tiny and Heath and your boys, sorry i was sleeping today when you called to visit but am fighting this infection again.
it does make me deeply sad, that rest of friends are always too busy, but is life yes? so i send love to them and hope they will be healthy and happy and never know how it feels to be where I am. I am very blessed to have the love of Lisa she is my light and joy and she has not abandoned me during my time of brokenness.
i will heal and be whole again someday, and I shall truly treat and love her as the goddess I know she is.
but i will try to get better with food diary again but like i said i am who gives a fuck mood, when i realized the amount of people who give a fuck about me is very small compared to what i thought and felt it once was. if you feel slighted and hurt by reading this anyone sorry i am not saying to hurt but because how i feel and I hurt.
a list of sugars since 1st month:
march 1st draw 2nd draw
3/1/2010 230 260
3/2/2010 220 266
3/3/2010 250 236
3/4/2010 220 229
3/5/2010 215 172
3/6/2010 245 219
3/7/2010 218 240
3/8/2019 233 337
3/9/2010 273 269
3/10/2010 206 249
3/11/2010 239
3/12/2010 313 321
3/13/2010 272 280
14-Mar 332 346
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...3/7/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...3/7/2010
breakfast: 1cp elbows, 1cp squash casserole
Lunch: 1cp mac cheese 2oz kielbasa
dinner: 10oz pan fried fish, 1cp squash casserole
snack: unknown at this time.
blood sugar: 218 240
breakfast: 1cp elbows, 1cp squash casserole
Lunch: 1cp mac cheese 2oz kielbasa
dinner: 10oz pan fried fish, 1cp squash casserole
snack: unknown at this time.
blood sugar: 218 240
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 3/6/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 3/6/2010
sat flat footed 3hrs
feeling weak today
breakfast: 4 sausage patties, 2 eggs over med, 1 2egg 2 sausage patty 1 slice cheese samich
Lunch: 6oz homebaked quiche with hamburger tato onion, cheese.
dinner: 1/2 cp rice 1/2cp spinach cooked in oo and garlic, 3oz pot roast, 4pc bacon
snack: i think nilla ice cream aint happend yet
blood sugar: 245 219
sat flat footed 3hrs
feeling weak today
breakfast: 4 sausage patties, 2 eggs over med, 1 2egg 2 sausage patty 1 slice cheese samich
Lunch: 6oz homebaked quiche with hamburger tato onion, cheese.
dinner: 1/2 cp rice 1/2cp spinach cooked in oo and garlic, 3oz pot roast, 4pc bacon
snack: i think nilla ice cream aint happend yet
blood sugar: 245 219
Friday, March 5, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...3/5/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...3/5/2010
sat flat footed 3hrs
breakfast: 2 latkas, 3small sausage patties, 5pc bacon, 1 med tomato
Lunch: nothing
dinner: 2 cheeseburgers, with tomato, fried onions, 10 tater tots
snack: 1/2cp nilla ice cream
blood sugar: 215 172
sat flat footed 3hrs
breakfast: 2 latkas, 3small sausage patties, 5pc bacon, 1 med tomato
Lunch: nothing
dinner: 2 cheeseburgers, with tomato, fried onions, 10 tater tots
snack: 1/2cp nilla ice cream
blood sugar: 215 172
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 3/4/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 3/4/2010
3 sets exercise
3 hrs flat footed
breakfast: 1/2 chipotle steak burrito
Lunch: 1/2 chipotle steak burrito
snack: 1 pickle, 1 pear
dinner: 12 fishsticks, 3 potato pancakes
snack: 2 pears
blood sugar: 220 229
3 sets exercise
3 hrs flat footed
breakfast: 1/2 chipotle steak burrito
Lunch: 1/2 chipotle steak burrito
snack: 1 pickle, 1 pear
dinner: 12 fishsticks, 3 potato pancakes
snack: 2 pears
blood sugar: 220 229
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 3/3/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 3/3/2010
sat feet flat 3hrs
breakfast: 3 baked/fried chicken thighs
Lunch: 2oz steak sandwich
dinner: barbacoa chipotle burrito
snack: 1/2 chipotle beef burrito
blood sugar: 250 236
sat feet flat 3hrs
breakfast: 3 baked/fried chicken thighs
Lunch: 2oz steak sandwich
dinner: barbacoa chipotle burrito
snack: 1/2 chipotle beef burrito
blood sugar: 250 236
Monday, March 1, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 3/1/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 3/1/2010
sat up 4hrs
2nd infection pocket is finally draining in last 2 days got about 2+cps crap out
breakfast: 3oz ham, 1oz mozzarella balls balsamic
Lunch: 2cps mac cheese with tuna
dinner: fries, 20pc chicken nugs
snack: steak samich with 1oz steak
blood sugar: 230 260
sat up 4hrs
2nd infection pocket is finally draining in last 2 days got about 2+cps crap out
breakfast: 3oz ham, 1oz mozzarella balls balsamic
Lunch: 2cps mac cheese with tuna
dinner: fries, 20pc chicken nugs
snack: steak samich with 1oz steak
blood sugar: 230 260
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 3/1/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 3/1/2010
sat up 3hrs
breakfast: 8 crackers, 2 slice american cheese, 3oz ham
Lunch: 3oz steak 1/2cp rice
dinner: 4oz steak 3/4cp rice
snack: steak cheese ham sandwich
blood sugar: 214 244
sat up 3hrs
breakfast: 8 crackers, 2 slice american cheese, 3oz ham
Lunch: 3oz steak 1/2cp rice
dinner: 4oz steak 3/4cp rice
snack: steak cheese ham sandwich
blood sugar: 214 244
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/27/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/27/2010
breakfast: 2 slice american cheese, 8oz beef stick
Lunch: large salad balsamic and ham slices
dinner: 2cps mac n cheese
blood sugar: 245 207
breakfast: 2 slice american cheese, 8oz beef stick
Lunch: large salad balsamic and ham slices
dinner: 2cps mac n cheese
blood sugar: 245 207
Friday, February 26, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/26/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/26/2010
breakfast: 3oz ham, 3 slice american cheese
Lunch: 8oz beef sticks
dinner: 3 slice flat bread pizza
snack: 3 slice flat bread pizza
blood sugar: 220 - 240
breakfast: 3oz ham, 3 slice american cheese
Lunch: 8oz beef sticks
dinner: 3 slice flat bread pizza
snack: 3 slice flat bread pizza
blood sugar: 220 - 240
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/25/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/25/2010
breakfast: taco salad, with beans and burger 10oz
Lunch: 1cp milk, 2cp capn crunch peanut butter
dinner: 6 progies, 8oz fish
snack:
blood sugar: 220 - 290
breakfast: taco salad, with beans and burger 10oz
Lunch: 1cp milk, 2cp capn crunch peanut butter
dinner: 6 progies, 8oz fish
snack:
blood sugar: 220 - 290
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/23/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/23/2010
zmog sick, back has huge pocket building, doc came today, says nothing to do but take meds and wait
breakfast: 2oz ham
Lunch: ham,cheese and pickle sandwich
dinner: 2 cheese ravioli's 2 small meatball didn't settle didn't finish that, tried 1/2cp pasta butter and barfed 3x wheeee
snack:
Sugars: Breakfast - 279 Dinner - 258
zmog sick, back has huge pocket building, doc came today, says nothing to do but take meds and wait
breakfast: 2oz ham
Lunch: ham,cheese and pickle sandwich
dinner: 2 cheese ravioli's 2 small meatball didn't settle didn't finish that, tried 1/2cp pasta butter and barfed 3x wheeee
snack:
Sugars: Breakfast - 279 Dinner - 258
Monday, February 22, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/22/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/22/2010
set(s) exercises
sat flat footed hrs
breakfast: 1oz pork in tortilla
Lunch: 1oz pork, 2oz cheese carrot nachos
dinner: 4cps beef soup
snack: english muffin, 1/2oz salami 2oz ham
Sugars: Breakfast - 231 Dinner - 312
set(s) exercises
sat flat footed hrs
breakfast: 1oz pork in tortilla
Lunch: 1oz pork, 2oz cheese carrot nachos
dinner: 4cps beef soup
snack: english muffin, 1/2oz salami 2oz ham
Sugars: Breakfast - 231 Dinner - 312
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/19/2010 - 2/21/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/19/2010
set(s) exercises
sat flat footed hrs
breakfast: 3oz hard salami, 2 slice cheese, 2oz
mozzarella balls with balsamic
Lunch: nothing
dinner: 4pc flat bread cheese pizza
snack: 1pc flat bread cheese pizza
Sugars: Breakfast - 297 Dinner - 227
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/20/2010
weighed in 572.5lb
breakfast: tortillia, 2 slice cheese
Lunch: 20pc chicken nugs, with sweet chili sauce
dinner: 10oz telapia pan fried
snack: 2oz beardless grilled cheese. 1cp peanut
butter capn crunch
Sugars: Breakfast - 223 Dinner - 221
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/21/2010
set(s) exercises
sat flat footed hrs
breakfast: 4oz veggie bean soup, with crisped
cheese
Lunch: nothing
dinner: 1oz corn bread, 3oz pork chops, 1/8cp
copper penny carrots, 1oz feta spinach, 1/2cp angel
food cake, with whipped topping mix sugar free
strawberry topping
snack:
Sugars: Breakfast - 247 Dinner - 215
set(s) exercises
sat flat footed hrs
breakfast: 3oz hard salami, 2 slice cheese, 2oz
mozzarella balls with balsamic
Lunch: nothing
dinner: 4pc flat bread cheese pizza
snack: 1pc flat bread cheese pizza
Sugars: Breakfast - 297 Dinner - 227
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/20/2010
weighed in 572.5lb
breakfast: tortillia, 2 slice cheese
Lunch: 20pc chicken nugs, with sweet chili sauce
dinner: 10oz telapia pan fried
snack: 2oz beardless grilled cheese. 1cp peanut
butter capn crunch
Sugars: Breakfast - 223 Dinner - 221
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/21/2010
set(s) exercises
sat flat footed hrs
breakfast: 4oz veggie bean soup, with crisped
cheese
Lunch: nothing
dinner: 1oz corn bread, 3oz pork chops, 1/8cp
copper penny carrots, 1oz feta spinach, 1/2cp angel
food cake, with whipped topping mix sugar free
strawberry topping
snack:
Sugars: Breakfast - 247 Dinner - 215
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/18/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/18/2010
still sick, sweeping fevers, and new spot growing deep and large, seems be growing around right side now
breakfast: 12oz rare steak, 1oz mozzarella balls
Lunch: nothing
dinner: 8oz pulled bbq pork, 1/2cp mashes potato
snack:
Sugars: Breakfast - 290 Dinner - 211
still sick, sweeping fevers, and new spot growing deep and large, seems be growing around right side now
breakfast: 12oz rare steak, 1oz mozzarella balls
Lunch: nothing
dinner: 8oz pulled bbq pork, 1/2cp mashes potato
snack:
Sugars: Breakfast - 290 Dinner - 211
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/17/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/17/2010
sick with puss pocket on back, looks like a new one growing
breakfast: 12oz can sugar free fruit cocktail, 2slice toast w butter
dinner: 1/2 cuc salad, 1cp rice, 5oz rare steak
snack: 1cp rice, 5oz pork
Sugars: Breakfast - 257 Dinner - 252
sick with puss pocket on back, looks like a new one growing
breakfast: 12oz can sugar free fruit cocktail, 2slice toast w butter
dinner: 1/2 cuc salad, 1cp rice, 5oz rare steak
snack: 1cp rice, 5oz pork
Sugars: Breakfast - 257 Dinner - 252
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/15/2010 & Exercises & Food for the Day...2/16/2010 still sick
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/15/2010 & Exercises & Food for the Day...2/16/2010
still sick
breakfast: 2cps chicken pinto bean soup
Lunch: nothing
snack: pc bread and butter
dinner: 1cp pinto beans with burger
Sugars: Breakfast - 320 Dinner - 380
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/16/2010
still sick
breakfast: 1cp pinto beans with burger
Lunch: nothing
snack: 2pc cheese bread with butter
dinner: small bakes tato with butter sour cream (barfed)
20oz chicken broth, 12oz can sugar free pears
snack: 2pc cheese bread with butter
Sugars: Breakfast - 272 Dinner - 297
still sick
breakfast: 2cps chicken pinto bean soup
Lunch: nothing
snack: pc bread and butter
dinner: 1cp pinto beans with burger
Sugars: Breakfast - 320 Dinner - 380
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/16/2010
still sick
breakfast: 1cp pinto beans with burger
Lunch: nothing
snack: 2pc cheese bread with butter
dinner: small bakes tato with butter sour cream (barfed)
20oz chicken broth, 12oz can sugar free pears
snack: 2pc cheese bread with butter
Sugars: Breakfast - 272 Dinner - 297
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/14/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/14/2010
set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 2slices cheese
Lunch: 2cps chicken soup
dinner: 2 turkey cheese sandwiches, 2oz turkey, 2slice cheese
snack: 1/2cp pinto beans 1cp oatmeal
Sugars: Breakfast - 355 Dinner - 287
still sick as hell, temp running 100.1 to 102.2, lisa got about 2/3cp goo from wound in 2 squeezings, hurts, feel like crap
set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 2slices cheese
Lunch: 2cps chicken soup
dinner: 2 turkey cheese sandwiches, 2oz turkey, 2slice cheese
snack: 1/2cp pinto beans 1cp oatmeal
Sugars: Breakfast - 355 Dinner - 287
still sick as hell, temp running 100.1 to 102.2, lisa got about 2/3cp goo from wound in 2 squeezings, hurts, feel like crap
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/13/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/13/2010
0 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 1 hrs
breakfast: english muffin, slice baloney, slice american cheese
Lunch: 2 slices bread and butter
dinner: 1.5cp homemade mac n cheese
snack: 1/2 mac n cheese
Sugars: Breakfast: 335 Dinner: 315
sick as hell, got staph/boil on back, major pain and now is oozing puss like river: temp: 102.1
0 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 1 hrs
breakfast: english muffin, slice baloney, slice american cheese
Lunch: 2 slices bread and butter
dinner: 1.5cp homemade mac n cheese
snack: 1/2 mac n cheese
Sugars: Breakfast: 335 Dinner: 315
sick as hell, got staph/boil on back, major pain and now is oozing puss like river: temp: 102.1
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/11/10
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/11/10
0 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 2cps cream of wheat, 1 slice bacon
Lunch: nothing
dinner: 1/2cp egg noodles, 2cps beef stew
snack: 1/2cp rice with egg, 1cp beef stew
Fasting Sugar: 297
0 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 2cps cream of wheat, 1 slice bacon
Lunch: nothing
dinner: 1/2cp egg noodles, 2cps beef stew
snack: 1/2cp rice with egg, 1cp beef stew
Fasting Sugar: 297
Friday, February 12, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/11/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/11/2010
0 set(s) exercises back messed up huge puss pocket
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 3oz ham slices, 4oz provolone cheese
Lunch: nothing
snack: 3oz sugar free See's sugar free peanut brittle
dinner: 2cps beef chili, 1oz cream cheese
snack: 2pc dark dove sugar free, 2pc russel stover sugar free chocolate
Fasting Sugar: 297
0 set(s) exercises back messed up huge puss pocket
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 3oz ham slices, 4oz provolone cheese
Lunch: nothing
snack: 3oz sugar free See's sugar free peanut brittle
dinner: 2cps beef chili, 1oz cream cheese
snack: 2pc dark dove sugar free, 2pc russel stover sugar free chocolate
Fasting Sugar: 297
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/10/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/10/2010
0 set(s) exercises too much pain due to puss pocket on back
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 1 slice cheese pizza, 2oz turkey
Lunch: 1 slice cheese pizza
dinner: 2cps mac n cheese
snack: peanut butter capn crunch
Fasting Sugar: due insomnia and munchin with capn didnt take
0 set(s) exercises too much pain due to puss pocket on back
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 1 slice cheese pizza, 2oz turkey
Lunch: 1 slice cheese pizza
dinner: 2cps mac n cheese
snack: peanut butter capn crunch
Fasting Sugar: due insomnia and munchin with capn didnt take
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/9/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/9/2010
2 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 12oz rare roast beast
snack: 12oz sugar free peaches
dinner: 4pc cheese pizza
snack: 2cps capt crunch peanut butter
Fasting Sugar: 292
2 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 12oz rare roast beast
snack: 12oz sugar free peaches
dinner: 4pc cheese pizza
snack: 2cps capt crunch peanut butter
Fasting Sugar: 292
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/8/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... 2/8/2010
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 3cps meat chili, with sour cream and mozzarella balls
Lunch: 3cps meat chili, with sour cream and mozzarella balls
snack: 2 kosher pickles
dinner: 3oz Yorkshire pudding, 1cp cauliflower w cheese sauce, 6oz rare roast beast
snack: 4 pickles
Fasting Sugar: 232
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 3cps meat chili, with sour cream and mozzarella balls
Lunch: 3cps meat chili, with sour cream and mozzarella balls
snack: 2 kosher pickles
dinner: 3oz Yorkshire pudding, 1cp cauliflower w cheese sauce, 6oz rare roast beast
snack: 4 pickles
Fasting Sugar: 232
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/6/2010 & Exercises & Food for the Day...2/7/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/6/2010
6 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 4 hrs
breakfast: big chef salad, 1/2 tomato, 2oz ham, 2oz turkey, 2 hard boiled egg, 6 pc bacon, 1/4cp shredded cheese, half head lettuce
Lunch: finished salad
dinner: 12oz rare steak
snack: 1cp mixed nuts
Fasting Sugar: 292
Affirmation: *
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/7/2010
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 4 hrs
breakfast: 1/2cp spaghetti, 2cps burger
Lunch:
snack: 2oz chips, dipped in guacamole and french onion
dinner: 2cps beef chili
snack: 8 small mozzarella balls, dipped in balsamic vinegar
Fasting Sugar: 329
6 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 4 hrs
breakfast: big chef salad, 1/2 tomato, 2oz ham, 2oz turkey, 2 hard boiled egg, 6 pc bacon, 1/4cp shredded cheese, half head lettuce
Lunch: finished salad
dinner: 12oz rare steak
snack: 1cp mixed nuts
Fasting Sugar: 292
Affirmation: *
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/7/2010
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 4 hrs
breakfast: 1/2cp spaghetti, 2cps burger
Lunch:
snack: 2oz chips, dipped in guacamole and french onion
dinner: 2cps beef chili
snack: 8 small mozzarella balls, dipped in balsamic vinegar
Fasting Sugar: 329
Saturday, February 6, 2010
name changed, persona death
Just making the announcement here: The Persona and Name Frogg is being given up, dead and dyin, I will no longer be frogg, froggie, I am killing him off. I am now Fred. Thank you and good day.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/5/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/5/2010
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 5cps lettuce, 1/2 tomato, 1/4 cuc, 8tbs ranch
6oz steak w 1oz shrooms
Lunch: finished salad
dinner: 32oz salmon
snack: 8oz sugar free canned pears
Fasting Sugar: 305
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 5cps lettuce, 1/2 tomato, 1/4 cuc, 8tbs ranch
6oz steak w 1oz shrooms
Lunch: finished salad
dinner: 32oz salmon
snack: 8oz sugar free canned pears
Fasting Sugar: 305
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/4/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/4/2010
6 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 8oz burger
Lunch: 10oz burger
dinner: 6oz steak, 4cp lettuce, 1/2 tomato, 1oz shrooms? 8tbs ranch
snack: dunno prolly nuffin
Fasting Sugar: 275
Affirmation: * Learn
6 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 8oz burger
Lunch: 10oz burger
dinner: 6oz steak, 4cp lettuce, 1/2 tomato, 1oz shrooms? 8tbs ranch
snack: dunno prolly nuffin
Fasting Sugar: 275
Affirmation: * Learn
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Spinning spinning
Spinning spinning out of control
thoughts get lost thought that flow
where oh where did it go, the light the laughter the flow.
grandmother moon i call to you, bring me healing and knowledge ancient and true.
mother earth let your healing and growth flow, heal me and my mind, bring back strength of limb.
dragons bright and strong,bring me the power and healing to bring back this broke body and spirit, let me walk and laugh and dance again.
to feel my bare feet on mother, to dance under grandmother moon's soft gray smile. the dragon energy filling me, making me the bratt prince we all know me to be.
bring me back,better brighter stronger and heal my pains, my sorrow and swallow my darkness.
dance in an angel's embrace as i feel her smile that is only for me.
thoughts get lost thought that flow
where oh where did it go, the light the laughter the flow.
grandmother moon i call to you, bring me healing and knowledge ancient and true.
mother earth let your healing and growth flow, heal me and my mind, bring back strength of limb.
dragons bright and strong,bring me the power and healing to bring back this broke body and spirit, let me walk and laugh and dance again.
to feel my bare feet on mother, to dance under grandmother moon's soft gray smile. the dragon energy filling me, making me the bratt prince we all know me to be.
bring me back,better brighter stronger and heal my pains, my sorrow and swallow my darkness.
dance in an angel's embrace as i feel her smile that is only for me.
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/3/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/3/2010
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 5 or 6 hrs
breakfast: 4 2oz burger balls
Lunch: 3 chicken thighs, 2cp tomato shroom sauce
dinner: 2cp ground burger, 1 tomato, 3cps lettuce, 10 black olives, 1/4cp pinto bean. ie taco salad LOL
snack: ?
Fasting Sugar: 255
Affirmation: * slow and steady will get me there
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 5 or 6 hrs
breakfast: 4 2oz burger balls
Lunch: 3 chicken thighs, 2cp tomato shroom sauce
dinner: 2cp ground burger, 1 tomato, 3cps lettuce, 10 black olives, 1/4cp pinto bean. ie taco salad LOL
snack: ?
Fasting Sugar: 255
Affirmation: * slow and steady will get me there
darkness again
the family is fine and enjoy them
the space around us is empty
the area of my heart and soul getting darker
few and far between
distance grows, hearts grow distant
pain deepens, wonder when it finally dies out.
laughter and jeers, the voices yell
joke, forgotten and lost
the ones still here
the ones you remember, the memories burn like a hot texas sun, the pain of the memories grows and swells like a sunburn, it will fade and peel
someday to escape prison to walk in the sun
to laugh and share
but when and where and at times we wonder who
time flows the world passes
a frogs ass is water tight, he binds his heart and soul and strives to let go.
the space around us is empty
the area of my heart and soul getting darker
few and far between
distance grows, hearts grow distant
pain deepens, wonder when it finally dies out.
laughter and jeers, the voices yell
joke, forgotten and lost
the ones still here
the ones you remember, the memories burn like a hot texas sun, the pain of the memories grows and swells like a sunburn, it will fade and peel
someday to escape prison to walk in the sun
to laugh and share
but when and where and at times we wonder who
time flows the world passes
a frogs ass is water tight, he binds his heart and soul and strives to let go.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/2/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/2/2010
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 5 hrs
breakfast: 4 chicken thighs, tomatoes w shrooms
snack: 4oz ham, 2 slices american cheese, 3tbs djion mustard
dinner: 10oz burger, 2 slices cheese
Fasting Sugar: 270
Affirmation: * no affirmation today.
just tired but fighting and moving on. feeling that profound need for human contact other then family and health people.
no relief in sight.
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 5 hrs
breakfast: 4 chicken thighs, tomatoes w shrooms
snack: 4oz ham, 2 slices american cheese, 3tbs djion mustard
dinner: 10oz burger, 2 slices cheese
Fasting Sugar: 270
Affirmation: * no affirmation today.
just tired but fighting and moving on. feeling that profound need for human contact other then family and health people.
no relief in sight.
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/1/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...2/1/2010
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 12oz beef with 1/4cp rice
Lunch: 1cp salad
dinner: 3 chicken thighs, 1cp tomatoes n mushrooms (barfed all up when got stuck in throat)
snack: 3 chicken thighs, 1cp tomatoes n mushrooms
Fasting Sugar: 240
Affirmation: * I CAN DO IT!
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 12oz beef with 1/4cp rice
Lunch: 1cp salad
dinner: 3 chicken thighs, 1cp tomatoes n mushrooms (barfed all up when got stuck in throat)
snack: 3 chicken thighs, 1cp tomatoes n mushrooms
Fasting Sugar: 240
Affirmation: * I CAN DO IT!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/31/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/31/2010
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 8 pc bacon
Lunch: 10 small gherkin pickles
dinner: 6oz pot roast
snack: pint blueberries
Fasting Sugar: 250
Affirmation: *Love yourself before you love anyone
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 8 pc bacon
Lunch: 10 small gherkin pickles
dinner: 6oz pot roast
snack: pint blueberries
Fasting Sugar: 250
Affirmation: *Love yourself before you love anyone
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/30/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/30/2010
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 4oz turkey 4oz ham 2oz munster cheese
Lunch: none
dinner: 14oz burger and 1oz american cheese with 3tbs catchup
Fasting Sugar: 255
Affirmation: *
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 4oz turkey 4oz ham 2oz munster cheese
Lunch: none
dinner: 14oz burger and 1oz american cheese with 3tbs catchup
Fasting Sugar: 255
Affirmation: *
Friday, January 29, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/29/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/29/2010
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 2cps salad
Lunch: no lunch
dinner: 160z pan fried talapia
snack: half pickle
Fasting Sugar: forgot to take
Affirmation: *I have the power to realize my goals
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 2cps salad
Lunch: no lunch
dinner: 160z pan fried talapia
snack: half pickle
Fasting Sugar: forgot to take
Affirmation: *I have the power to realize my goals
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/28/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/28/2010
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 3/4 head boiled cabbage, 2 carrots, 1/4 tato 6oz corned beef
Lunch: finished breakfast
dinner: 3 eggs, 1/4cp tato, 6 fat free hot dogs
snack: big big salad
Fasting Sugar: 303
Affirmation: *I will own my anger
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 3/4 head boiled cabbage, 2 carrots, 1/4 tato 6oz corned beef
Lunch: finished breakfast
dinner: 3 eggs, 1/4cp tato, 6 fat free hot dogs
snack: big big salad
Fasting Sugar: 303
Affirmation: *I will own my anger
Exercises & Food for the Day.. 1/27/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day.. 1/27/2010
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 16oz burger in bowel, catchup,mayo pickle
Lunch: finished breakfast
dinner: 1/2 head cabbage, 6oz corned beef, half tato
snack: 3oz mozzarella, 1/2 tomato, balsamic
Fasting Sugar: 292
Affirmation: *i will nap as i need to.
I have been really sleepy today i guess weeks of crap sleep catching up.
3 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 16oz burger in bowel, catchup,mayo pickle
Lunch: finished breakfast
dinner: 1/2 head cabbage, 6oz corned beef, half tato
snack: 3oz mozzarella, 1/2 tomato, balsamic
Fasting Sugar: 292
Affirmation: *i will nap as i need to.
I have been really sleepy today i guess weeks of crap sleep catching up.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...PM 1/26/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...PM 1/26/2010
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 6cp taco salad, with tomatoes, romain lettuce
Lunch: finishes breakfast
dinner: 16oz talapia, pan fried, 2cps olive, cherry tomato, pickle salad
Fasting Sugar: 243
Affirmation: *I love me, I get better each day
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 6cp taco salad, with tomatoes, romain lettuce
Lunch: finishes breakfast
dinner: 16oz talapia, pan fried, 2cps olive, cherry tomato, pickle salad
Fasting Sugar: 243
Affirmation: *I love me, I get better each day
Monday, January 25, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/25/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/25/2010
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 4cps green beans,chicken w beef stew, 2cps squash casserole
Lunch: finished breakfast
dinner: 16oz pan fried salmon, 2cps squash casserole
snack: 2oz mozzarella, 1/2 tomato balsamic vinegar
Fasting Sugar: 242
Affirmation: * I take responsibility
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 4cps green beans,chicken w beef stew, 2cps squash casserole
Lunch: finished breakfast
dinner: 16oz pan fried salmon, 2cps squash casserole
snack: 2oz mozzarella, 1/2 tomato balsamic vinegar
Fasting Sugar: 242
Affirmation: * I take responsibility
Frogg Question of day 1/25/2010
Question: How important is physical or body beauty to you to have a relationship? Can you love someone who is super morbidly obese and cripple and want them to lose weight for health reasons and not to fit in? Assume they were able to walk and then lost that ability, would you try to help them or would you find a way out?
Is it possible for others to love the ones who used to be in traveling carnies as the freak shows.
Is it possible for others to love the ones who used to be in traveling carnies as the freak shows.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...PM 1/24/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...PM 1/24/2010
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 4cps stew w green beans, beef, chicken
Lunch: finished breakfast
snack: 1/2cp rice *bad bad frogg but it was good!
dinner: 15oz talapia, 2cps squash, tomatoes, low fat cheese (squash casserole), 1/2cp guacamole
snack: sugar free fudge pop
Fasting Sugar: 271
Affirmation: *I have the power to realize my goals
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 2 hrs
breakfast: 4cps stew w green beans, beef, chicken
Lunch: finished breakfast
snack: 1/2cp rice *bad bad frogg but it was good!
dinner: 15oz talapia, 2cps squash, tomatoes, low fat cheese (squash casserole), 1/2cp guacamole
snack: sugar free fudge pop
Fasting Sugar: 271
Affirmation: *I have the power to realize my goals
Exercises & Food for the Day... AM 1/23/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day... AM 1/23/2010
2 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 4 hrs
breakfast: 3 egg cheese, mushroom tomato omelet
Lunch:
dinner: 16 oz talapia, big salad 1oz ham,turkey, low fat cheese, balsamic
snack: 1/4cp almonds
Fasting Sugar:330
Affirmation: *I pursue my life’s purpose
2 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 4 hrs
breakfast: 3 egg cheese, mushroom tomato omelet
Lunch:
dinner: 16 oz talapia, big salad 1oz ham,turkey, low fat cheese, balsamic
snack: 1/4cp almonds
Fasting Sugar:330
Affirmation: *I pursue my life’s purpose
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/22/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/22/2010
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 16oz ground burger
Lunch: 12oz pork with spicy sauce
dinner: 16oz pan fried talapia
snack: sugar free fudge pop
Fasting Sugar: 333
Affirmation: *I am a hero
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 16oz ground burger
Lunch: 12oz pork with spicy sauce
dinner: 16oz pan fried talapia
snack: sugar free fudge pop
Fasting Sugar: 333
Affirmation: *I am a hero
Exercises & Food for the Day...12:12 PM 1/21/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...12:12 PM 1/21/2010
2 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 2 chicken leg quarters w bbq sauce
Lunch: 4 chicken leg quarters w bbq sauce
dinner: 15oz talapia with 3 cps green beans
snack: sugar free fudge pop
Fasting Sugar: 270
Affirmation: *I have faith and deep belief in myself
2 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 2 chicken leg quarters w bbq sauce
Lunch: 4 chicken leg quarters w bbq sauce
dinner: 15oz talapia with 3 cps green beans
snack: sugar free fudge pop
Fasting Sugar: 270
Affirmation: *I have faith and deep belief in myself
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Stuff I am going to learn to cook and or improve what i already know when i can stand and walk more then 50 feet and 4mins and not die....
Stuff I am going to learn to cook and or improve what i already know when i can stand and walk more then 50 feet and 4mins and not die.....
Roasted Duck
Sushi
Enchiladas
Empanada
Pancit (Filipino Dish)
Sotanghon Soup and variations using cellophane noodles (Filipino Dish) prolly spelled wrong
Awesome Bolognese sauce
Eggplant Parmigiana
chocolate boxes and other chocolate related goodies
Elephant ears
Beef Wellington
Clam fritters
Crab Cakes
Salad Nicoise
Butter squash
Spaghetti squash
shortbread
my own chicken wing sauce
bbq sauce
crown roast
prime rib
perfect my mac n cheese
lobster bisque
clam chowder
baked manicotti
stuffed shells
Lumpia
egg rolls
spring rolls
roast goose
lasagna
leg of lamp
lamb ribs
veal cutlet
other veal dishes
lamb stew
matzo balls and soup
Tomato bisque
Perogies
(cooking idea for rice, use milk or broth for more flavor)
Huey's Love salad
Bark
Homemade Tamale's
Crepes
Teriyaki Sauce
Homemade Ravioli's
Homemade Pasta
Homemade Sausage
I am going to learn to cook everything from Vincent Price's cookbook
COOKBOOK A TREASURY OF GREAT RECIPES BY VINCENT PRICE
Creme Brule
Flan
Creamed spinach
Perfect Frogg's Chili (2x Winnder Goddess Chili Cookoff at Pagan Pride Day, Dallas Texas)
Fried Chicken
Homemade Chicken and Dumplings
a Killer Meatloaf
learn to use a wok
Phad Thai
learn to use rotisserie cooker
Roasted Duck
Sushi
Enchiladas
Empanada
Pancit (Filipino Dish)
Sotanghon Soup and variations using cellophane noodles (Filipino Dish) prolly spelled wrong
Awesome Bolognese sauce
Eggplant Parmigiana
chocolate boxes and other chocolate related goodies
Elephant ears
Beef Wellington
Clam fritters
Crab Cakes
Salad Nicoise
Butter squash
Spaghetti squash
shortbread
my own chicken wing sauce
bbq sauce
crown roast
prime rib
perfect my mac n cheese
lobster bisque
clam chowder
baked manicotti
stuffed shells
Lumpia
egg rolls
spring rolls
roast goose
lasagna
leg of lamp
lamb ribs
veal cutlet
other veal dishes
lamb stew
matzo balls and soup
Tomato bisque
Perogies
(cooking idea for rice, use milk or broth for more flavor)
Huey's Love salad
Bark
Homemade Tamale's
Crepes
Teriyaki Sauce
Homemade Ravioli's
Homemade Pasta
Homemade Sausage
I am going to learn to cook everything from Vincent Price's cookbook
COOKBOOK A TREASURY OF GREAT RECIPES BY VINCENT PRICE
Creme Brule
Flan
Creamed spinach
Perfect Frogg's Chili (2x Winnder Goddess Chili Cookoff at Pagan Pride Day, Dallas Texas)
Fried Chicken
Homemade Chicken and Dumplings
a Killer Meatloaf
learn to use a wok
Phad Thai
learn to use rotisserie cooker
I am semi hopeful today, even if i got a bad tude.
I am semi hopeful today, even if i got a bad tude.
i spoke with Renaissance Hospital Dallas, they are pretty famous for their Houston location on TLC channel working with super humungo people like me.
Well the lady is spoke with was kind and seemed sincere, I broke down in tears several times while speaking to her. she is going to see if doc will allow me to bypass seminar and go to office since only way i can get transport is via ambulance.
she also thinks maybe if my nursing agency has noted about my calorie restriction i might have my 6month diet requirement for medicare. SO i will be calling nursing agency to find out how documented i am since i have been since may. also while i was in pt rehab.
I am hoping.
i spoke with Renaissance Hospital Dallas, they are pretty famous for their Houston location on TLC channel working with super humungo people like me.
Well the lady is spoke with was kind and seemed sincere, I broke down in tears several times while speaking to her. she is going to see if doc will allow me to bypass seminar and go to office since only way i can get transport is via ambulance.
she also thinks maybe if my nursing agency has noted about my calorie restriction i might have my 6month diet requirement for medicare. SO i will be calling nursing agency to find out how documented i am since i have been since may. also while i was in pt rehab.
I am hoping.
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/20/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/20/2010
2 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 3cps mix beans, burger, salad,tomato, balsamic
Lunch: 3cps mix beans, burger, salad,tomato, balsamic
dinner: 2 bbq chicken thighs, 2cps salad with avocado
snack: thinking about sugar free fudge pop
Fasting Sugar: 270
Affirmation: *My future's so bright I gotta wear shades
days 3 phase 1 south beach
2 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 3cps mix beans, burger, salad,tomato, balsamic
Lunch: 3cps mix beans, burger, salad,tomato, balsamic
dinner: 2 bbq chicken thighs, 2cps salad with avocado
snack: thinking about sugar free fudge pop
Fasting Sugar: 270
Affirmation: *My future's so bright I gotta wear shades
days 3 phase 1 south beach
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/19/2010
Exercises & Food for the Day...1/19/2010
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 1cp beans, 1cp spinach, 5oz ground beef
Lunch: 2cp beans, 1cp spinach, 8oz ground beef
snack: 4 shrimp,2 mussels, 1oz imitation crab, 1oz squid
dinner: 2cps beans, 1/4oz cheddar, 6oz ground beef
phase 1 south beach
Fasting Sugar: 285
Affirmation: *I reject abuse from others
1 set(s) exercises
sat flat footed 3 hrs
breakfast: 1cp beans, 1cp spinach, 5oz ground beef
Lunch: 2cp beans, 1cp spinach, 8oz ground beef
snack: 4 shrimp,2 mussels, 1oz imitation crab, 1oz squid
dinner: 2cps beans, 1/4oz cheddar, 6oz ground beef
phase 1 south beach
Fasting Sugar: 285
Affirmation: *I reject abuse from others
The Start of the fatman's story
Hi if you are reading this some of you may know me or may not, for those who dont I am Fred aka Frogg to my friends.
I am at this point a massively obese fat man. I am 45 years old as of may 26, I am loved and cared for.
I dont know when i got to where i am at this time but it is time for a change.
I have AVN of my hips and always had problems walkin but Dec 07 after 3 days of the flu i ended up in the hospital with cellulitis which turned into lymphadema.
in the last year i have lost the ability to walk due to weight,lymphadema and AVN.
I have battle depression and major anxiety and self loathing.
*june 3 2009)
5 weeks ago i made a choice to change my life because i want to live again, and be the partner my wife and love deserves and that i deserve.
I quit smoking i am was up to 2-3 packs a day and now smoke free.
I am excersicing in my chair doing arms calisthenics and stomach crunches.
I was unable to walk 20 feet without sitting down and resting for 10mins.
In the last week i can now walk about 50ft before dying.
so please send light and good thoughts to aide me on this journey.
I hope to find my friends who seems to have disappeared or make new ones.
I will have a new life, so welcome and let's live life!
On July 4th Independence Day, I had done 10 sets of my exercises today so far and is only 1pm cent.
I feel pretty ok. Lisa says she see’s differences in my shape and can tell I am losing weight. My walking is slowly and painfully
Improving.
SO TODAY I DECLARE and will live my INDEPENDENCE of being trapped by a fat crippled body. I will fight to be free, I will not give in or up.
There will be no bad foods, just bad amounts. I will learn to eat and exercise and be a normal healthy being.
I will become and live sexy, happy and healthy.
I will become once again a viable productive man who gives and just doesn’t take.
I will walk down the aisle with my bride and dance at our wedding.
I will go visiting friends and family.
Yesterday I found myself just smiling for no reason and feeling pretty good, this surprised me, this is a hard battle and I appreciate all the love and support you are all giving me.
Goddess Bless (or insert your higher powers name here) and live and love well babies.
Frogg, loves you , so hope you all get some extra loving and steaks.
I am at this point a massively obese fat man. I am 45 years old as of may 26, I am loved and cared for.
I dont know when i got to where i am at this time but it is time for a change.
I have AVN of my hips and always had problems walkin but Dec 07 after 3 days of the flu i ended up in the hospital with cellulitis which turned into lymphadema.
in the last year i have lost the ability to walk due to weight,lymphadema and AVN.
I have battle depression and major anxiety and self loathing.
*june 3 2009)
5 weeks ago i made a choice to change my life because i want to live again, and be the partner my wife and love deserves and that i deserve.
I quit smoking i am was up to 2-3 packs a day and now smoke free.
I am excersicing in my chair doing arms calisthenics and stomach crunches.
I was unable to walk 20 feet without sitting down and resting for 10mins.
In the last week i can now walk about 50ft before dying.
so please send light and good thoughts to aide me on this journey.
I hope to find my friends who seems to have disappeared or make new ones.
I will have a new life, so welcome and let's live life!
On July 4th Independence Day, I had done 10 sets of my exercises today so far and is only 1pm cent.
I feel pretty ok. Lisa says she see’s differences in my shape and can tell I am losing weight. My walking is slowly and painfully
Improving.
SO TODAY I DECLARE and will live my INDEPENDENCE of being trapped by a fat crippled body. I will fight to be free, I will not give in or up.
There will be no bad foods, just bad amounts. I will learn to eat and exercise and be a normal healthy being.
I will become and live sexy, happy and healthy.
I will become once again a viable productive man who gives and just doesn’t take.
I will walk down the aisle with my bride and dance at our wedding.
I will go visiting friends and family.
Yesterday I found myself just smiling for no reason and feeling pretty good, this surprised me, this is a hard battle and I appreciate all the love and support you are all giving me.
Goddess Bless (or insert your higher powers name here) and live and love well babies.
Frogg, loves you , so hope you all get some extra loving and steaks.
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