a first

and possibly the last. pup and I are fighting. she does not agree with my assessment or views on this.

tween she and I we have hurt L and D more then two loved beings should be hurt.
I started a discussion tonight on collaring because L & pup have diff views. L let off some steam on her shared her hurt for real in front of pup and D and started a discussion, got east coast loud, a a pup alt came out, and told L that she wants collar to show she belongs to me forever, in a committed relationship akin to marriage. L not happy, she is my heart my soul my love my mate, I love pup don't get me wrong but L is forever and a day. I want pup too, greedy fat man. pup/A ignored how her partner/wife/lover/bf sat and cried as she told aloud she wanted commitment to me, i am honored but home needs to be a stable hardcore foundation, before considering a collar commitment in my mind.

how could she ignore those tears and ignore D?
I am disappointed in that. D should be her 1st, middle and last thought everyday on happy life. I should add to that happy NOT detract.

Long story, L raised voice called A(inside person in pup, like my people)a bitch, pup got upset left.

YOU Cant solve anything by running, she says she was verbally abused and yelled at , Ummm NO not ever close by my standards.

she disagrees.

TO be me I have to have honor, integrity and I work hard to heal and make self stronger better to walk, lose lbs. to be with my I require honor, integrity the ability and desire to improve self. I require and desire no less from my gf and or submissive.

this needs to be talked about, she and L and D and I need to sit down and talk honestly and cry and talk, cry, yell, shout, and curse if we are to have chance to be strong unit *fill in name of unit pack, fam,tribe,etc*

pup got upset and dismissed me (( PRETTY FUCKING FUNNY MY SUBMISSIVE DISMISSING HER SIR WTF LOLS))

pup has told me often she loves my strength, my integrity, my honor, my ability to pursue my health goals. well I want her to walk path I walk and use feel these same tools and ways. without them I AM DEAD and i have nothing without honor and integrity.

I told her think about these words and come fight argue if we are to be and work. If she chooses not to I told her I release her.

this is hard. this hurts. love is not wrong people hurting is wrong.
she needs to love respect d and l even if the a part of her doesn't want to. she needs to get grip and control a.

if it ends i will sad and will grieve, has been a painful and exciting and memorable 2 months. I hope she takes my lessons to heart and learns to love respect self if she chooses to take the runaway path *this from man in diapers and needs help getting clean* and pray goddess protects her in all she does and seeks.
i will always remember the love and laughter. fight for this if you need want it. walk away if you don't feel it is worth working on self and spirit and building
the unit that which we want/wanted to belong.

I will eat and cry now. and wonder what pup will choose.

so i got a spirit baby. and I love her.

In recent past, I have hated fathers day. after all I had never been a father. never knew my bio dad for real, gorman abandoned us after he and mom divorced and this after forcing bio dad to give us up so he could adopt us and well dad 3 tried to kill me 3x and spent most my life while at home being physically, verbally and mentally abused WHEEEEEEE!!! what great father pictures huh?
what stand up guys to look up to to model my fat ass to.
mia, drunk and abusive and cheater (to be honest she cheated too) and abuser, drunk mean spirited. what a dad I would have made!!!!

I look at Lisa and I wish we could have had a baby. she would be so pretty and smart, all Lisa's side and hope my fucked up genes caused minimal damage.

then recently remembered in early days when married to J we got preggers, was odd time decided to keep baby or take care of ?!??!!?!?!! yeah we thought about it. Finally came to conclusion and said well if universe wants us to have baby, well we were gonna accept and love the baby, we decided to tell the family we were gonna have a baby on april 1, they thought was joke we thought timing was great.
2days later we lost her, we in jest to ease pain named her Clumpy Gorman.

Been thinking of old age no kids to love me and thinking well is all good, you cant pass on fat and fucked up and depressed the chain ends with you (well R has two daughters but they are diff story). I was dreaming and a baby came to me, she told me her name was Victoria Faith, named after my mom, she loved me and was ok, she wanted to come into world but then saw how angry J was and decided was not her time. She sees me and sees L and says L is the mama she wanted and loves L, we are gonna be ok she says.

so i got a spirit baby. and I love her.

is morning

and the world is shaky again.
it will brighten again but once again for the moment i am world destroyer again I am a akin to Shiva, after all he is one with title THE DESTROYER!!!!!!

to know what i do now, i would deny my poly-side the side that loves many. I kept it shut for most life, fuck i hid emotions most my life. I was better off at times, i seldom hurt anyone who didn't deserve it. I don't think I ever destroyed anyone's heart well I did 1x, but i was 19 and she was 31 talkin marriage and I ran like a little punk fuck, i wish i could do that over. L made it ok for me to love, trust my love, trust my feelings. Oops, cant trust them, *sings* fooled around and fell in love (thanks Elvin Bishop) how is it possible to feel like a god and phule all in same heart beat and breath?
Pat Benatar sang song many moons ago that is apt and fits too "HEARTBREAKER DREAM TAKER DONT YOU MESS AROUND WITH ME"

I never wanted to hurt anyone i love, an never never ever L. if i could i would slice cut bleed. to watch crimson slowly flow down my arm. each droplet a bit of pain.

am sorry sweet angel. sorry t. sorry for anyone an everyone i ever hurt by being me.

times i wish i could phase a way. or be that real asshole that doest care about anyone but self like it appears i am, but iam not that fucker. i hurt my love i hurt me. and old tools to hide run from feeling not available I cant eat til i puke, cant drink til drunk, dont drug anymore and i dont fucking smoke anymore. that leaves me feeling and rolling in hot sharp glass. i deserve to suffer not L.

grr

wanna talk but cant been bumped.
frustrating. love FG but is hard when she comes and downloads when i need to clear my voice.
again i feel unworthy and shitty.
i know i will always be preempted by needs of the spawn.

stupid jackass. wait.
is your need to talk not her or fgs.

verbal puke

FUCK!!!
i feel so useless and like i lie the world.
how why do i still feel this little jealous creature?
wtf

jealous thing.

I have for years claimed to be poly, wired poly, talked poly and felt L and I were same path and thoughts.
Well in June found a lady I fell for hard T. Sadly found out L and I are not on same page for poly. I have torn her world apart. I go from feeling totally awesome to feeling like the biggest shit heel in world. I love her so much and my dedication love, my hunger and desire and to be with her and love her til the end of days and beyond has not wavered or faltered. it tears me apart inside when i feel her tears, her anger and venom. when realize i tore asunder a pure innocent love.

she says she now see how I am wired and i need love of many, I didn't ask to be wired thus.

She heals she has called her parts in, she is hungry, she is becoming more whole.
I am still so in love with L, fuck my body hurt with desire at times. I love T. I want her alla time too. I think I am far to greedy and needy.
Am not good at linear thoughts and writing so ya gonna read me get used to it.

I am going to try writing more. Not sure how this will go.

I feel a pang of jealousy tonight uncalled for, it came unbidden.
Is a play date, I feel lousy for feeling this. I can only imagine what she felt for real when we made our noises.

HI pot my name is fred and I am a kettle.

I feel unworthy to say I am poly.
Please forgive the pain I caused.

I love my pack. I love Lisa, I love Tressa. I love them so much I could fucking die when I make them sad unhappy.

I will get over this petty feeling and strive to be more worthy of my loves.

I will not be a hypocrite I will not be a petty thing I will be strong loving and Wolf, I am Sir and I am strong sexy and smart.
I am getting better each day.

*laughs at self*

so cool
so suave
so mr poly
pain bringer
slayer of dreams
stupid petty man
mr poly breakin her down hurting her
loving her, crying with and for her

feel like a hypocrite
i feel jealous, go figure how she has been feeling you stupid fuck.
is just play but my heart hammered and fear welled up, i feel like a hypocrite. i caused so much chaos and for a play date i get fucking twisted????????
what the fuck.

i sit here i feel this out. is fear have had is fear i may never get rid of, she and maybe T finding others that they love better and want to be with. I am a good man, a good Sir, Loving but I am fallible I feel unworthy of this fear, I feel like who the fuck are you to feel this, what have you done in last 2 months. you have her scared scarred and she has heard you and T fuckin and suckin, HOW DARE YOU FUCKING GET JEALOUS!!!!!! fucking moron. get over.

You love her, she loves you. T loves you. you cant and wont have it one way, you hate the people that do that shit. so feel it move on. Love them, love them well and honestly. do not be weak.

I want my women. I want them to love me. I need them to want and need me.

this fear and jealousy is stupid.
Please Let L have an awesome time and may she enjoy tremendously.

I am whore, i wanna be touched. *laughs*

Share my fire

As a little boy I wandered the world alone.
I wandered the woods doing boy things, battling foes and dragons of evil
I danced and sang, I was alone I was invincible.
My solitude, my strength.

Once upon a time, I was battling the legions of Doom, and a new sight came before my eyes.
I strange being sitting there cold and wet and crying.
I crept up, thinking for sure this is a ploy of evil to catch me off guard, night was falling the rain cold and wet.

I came upon this creature she was sweet, beautiful, wet and cold. My heart melted and felt a feeling that I could not describe.
I sheathed my sword (a mighty sword of oaken branch)
I came from the shadows that were my home.
I said are you an angel? And why are you crying?
She said my name is Angel and I am crying cuz I lost cold and wet. I have no food and am hungry and have no way home.

My heart melted and sang,

I said to her little girl come share and sit by my fire.

I made a fire and shared my samiches, she came close to me and we shared warmth.
I circled her in my arm, and held her through the night soothing her fears and warming her,
She fell asleep in my arms, I looked down and murmured “Rest well little girl and share my fire, I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.

She awoke when the day was warm and sky was blue, birds singing and flying as they always do.
We talked and played my wonder and joy at this new creature growing with each laugh and touch.
Her eyes soft sweet and blue, Hair red and fiery. Her skin pale with hundreds of freckles,
We walked and talked and played finding her way home, at last we found where she called home,
She looked at me, this little girl did, she kissed my cheek and said thank you sweet boy, you have befriended me and guided me home,
You are Sweet, Where do you live? Perhaps I can visit you there someday.
I said no little sweet girl, I have no home but the wilderness, I am alone in this world.
Go to your home and your family you are safe now, Go now.
I turned and walked away pretending to not feel , not to not love this little angel whom I found, I walked away into my woods, tall strong and proud, inside my heart was weeping and crying I had never felt such pain, I glanced swiftly behind me hoping to catch a glance of my fire headed angel. I saw her, her face drawn as if to cry “WAIT COME BACK Little boy”
But as her mouth opened her family saw her and soon swept her up in their arms. Tears running down my face a pain deeper then any I had ever known rending and tearing my heart, I slide to the shadows and watched. I whispered to the air and the spirits “Come share my fire little girl. Come share my fire, for I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.


As the years go by I grow older and stronger, I find myself watching this little girl, this redheaded angel, this little girl who changes from little girl to young woman.
I stay away, my heart beating hard against my breast each time I look at her, they find me and make me join the world.
To learn the ways of man, and commerce, I still go to the woods but fewer and far between, and still I remember her a red headed little angel. I am working and learning.
As I walk in this city this town, it is big and unfriendly but I know my way, Though away from my woods, I find the shadows and move in them. I go about my business learning and making money, one rainy day I hear a cry, I run to the sounds and I see a woman with red hair being attacked by thugs/hoodlums, I jump into this battle seeking to protect and innocent, I slashed at and kicked, they try to cut me, I defend and dodge, I smash ones nose and down he goes, another I kick his knee cap loose and down he falls a toe to groin and he stays down, the last one leery and dangerous, the ground damp from the rains, I glance to my left and I see a face scared and pale and eyes of blue, I falter can it be my little angel?
He slices my upper arm drawing blood, I gasp in pain and spin back at him, I catch him with my right fist the cheek bone splitting it open, his blood run down his face mixing with the rain that is starting to rain down heavier. I block his next swing, and catch him and knock him down, I growl an animal sound from deep in my chest and my heart, I see the angel is bleeding, I attack as he get up, punching with lefts and rights, and a forearm smash across his face and he hurls back against a wall his head hitting hard, he goes down to stay. I catch my breathe and say to her Little girl are you ok?
She looks at me and eyes go wide, she says “Little boy from the woods?” Is that you?”
I laugh and hold my arm and say “Yes Little Angel how are you? Let’s go someplace safe, Come share my fire little girl, Please come share my fire”
She gets up and comes to me, her body full and ripe, her hips swelled and breasts full, her face though wet beautiful, her eyes blue and sweet, she says “yes I will come and share your fire little boy, I will share your fire.”
We go to my little apartment, no fire do I have for such a meager place but I do turn up the heat and offer a hot shower and to dry her clothes.
I hear her laugh as she showers the steam coming from the bathroom door, I take off my clothes and hers and put into dry, I get on some dry clothes and place out my heavy warm dark blue rob for her to wear. I bandage my arm, this is not my first wound but one of many over the years the pain is tolerable.
As she showers, I fix some food and pour some wine, she comes out drying off in a large maroon fluffy towel, I hand her the robe, and motion for her to sit on the couch I bring her food and wine, and say “Come share my fire and my food, little girl, Come share my fire.”
We sit and talk as if we never parted laughing and talking touching each other in sweet wonderful ways, sitting close, til at last the days wanes as does she, she falls asleep laying her head on my lap, I look down and feel my heart swelling and feeling as it did when I was but a young and wild boy. I look down upon her sleeping beautiful face and whisper “Come share my fire little girl. Come share my fire, for I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.”
I fall asleep myself and when I awake she is gone, a note with a smile and a heart is all I have of her visit.
I look into my mirror and say “Come share my fire little girl. Come share my fire, for I will protect you and warm you, Share my fire little angel.” And I cry.


As the years roll by some slowly others swiftly I think now and then of the little redheaded girl, my Angel but I go on and do as I need to work, fall in love and play.
Working in the world of man winning and losing, laughing and crying, but always feeling alone.
My heart heavy and dark as my last relationship ends, what is wrong with me, why can’t I find love and happiness, for someone to love me as I do them?
Why must I always be last on the list, the after thought?
Must I always be the lost boy, the one alone in the woods? Where is the one to love me, cherish me, the thought of the little red headed angel traipses across my mind. I smile and feel a tear in my eye.
Is the holiday season I go to the party as I am required forms and social duties BAH! and near do well ideas, I stand alone at the party gazing at the happy couples, kissing and laughing, secrets only they know, knowing looks and touches.
I turn my back to the party over looking the city, looking down upon the lights and cars,
I hear a soft cough, and softer touch upon my arm, I growl inside, what meaningless pleasantry do I have to deal with now???
I steel myself and start to turn, out of the corner of my eye, I catch red hair, and pale skin (dare I hope?) I turn and there she stands, Radiant and beautiful, her hair red and shining her eyes the blue of a warm spring day, he skin pale yet with hundred of sweet freckles, my breathe catches, her curves and fullness make me hunger, I put aside that thought, as I look she speaks “Boy is that you again after all these years?? I came back but it was too long, life got hectic and by time I got to find you, you were gone.” she says.
I have thought of you these many years loving some but never as much as I love you, I have finally found you and I come to ask you “Little boy will you share my fire? Please little boy come and share my fire” soft tears in her eyes she looks at me for the answer.
I say no little girl I will not share your fire, I will share our fire, I ask you little girl will you come with me and share our fire?
We now share our fires and our lives, both having found the love we were looking for, the universe smiles, goddess and her mate smiles, we are blessed.
My Angel and I ask “Will you come and share our fire? Please come and share our fire, we will protect and love you, as we love each other,”
I look at my little angel and whisper come little girl and share my fire”

Parts

Parts

parts of me are healing
some parts of me are on the ceiling
parts of me are going going gone
Parts of me sing an amazing love song
parts of me are shakey
parts of me are scared
Of all that is All parts of me Love and Adore you.
All parts of me becoming one.
All parts of me want you for the rest of our lives and enternally and physical fun Never shall I run, from feelings and healings, I limp to your arms to look into your eyes, i looke forward being with you each and every sunrise. I lay with my goddess and she with me her god, we love and live and smile at the stars above.

FRG 02/16/06

What I am feeling

What I am feeling

I am lost for the moment
in limbo and distraught
why i am guessing for i really know not.

I wake with tears in my eyes
pain in my chest
I look to my left and see my angel

shit i woke her again and again
I dont know what is in my head
I try to sleep, she falls again

tears again in my eyes as i wake from a slumber to short

they come out one at a time
they come to see her and poke and prode to stroke and love
they seek approval and her love, parts of me but living in separate times but all me

pains in my body i try to quench
noise too loud
a soul woken
she drifts and then awakes, angered but loving me
I leave the room, lost and ashamed
I am lost and know not why

Frg 04/11/06

Feelings of my Mom

Feeling of Mom
died Good friday april 13 2001
anger
lost
love
missing
resentment
cry
dammit
trying
miserable
unforgiving
judgemental
missed
need to belong
ashamed
goal setting
disappointed
mean
trophy wife
china doll
aching
afraid
lost to joy of life
searching
bitter
myrter
independent
abused child
abused wife
super star
mother
survivor
petty
last of her family
viscious
afraid
seeker

The Animal You by LAD

The Animal You

He grows, in want and need
His caresses more urgent
His restlessness simmers

Like lava below the surface
Fiery, rich, molten
Aching with growing needs
For release.

He settles downward
Close to the animal side
The side of no boundaries
Just needs and wants

He growls and paws
He grabs and demands
Till at last he feeds.

He feasts upon my scent
My flesh, my juices
He signs in contentment
And fills his belly
Fills his spirit
Satiates his hungers,
He finds his soul
He finds himself.
Lad 4/28/06

Dark and Smoke

We lay there in the cool air, naked on crisp clean sheets.
We lay there just touching caressing and petting.
I kiss your neck.
I kiss just behind you ear and breathe soft warm breath growl softly.
My hands heat up and they travel up and down your body, touching and teasing your soft sweet skin.
I take my left and slowly drag my sharpened nails over your skin, not hard enough to break skin but enough to leave faint pink lines that burn slightly.
I then pet and caress your hair, petting you softly, almost hypnotizing you with the soft gentleness. Then slowly wrap my hand in your hair and pull gently, I pull your face to mine and kiss you slowly and deeply, our tongue meeting and entwining, exploring each other’s mouth.
Your moans are soft and alluring, my growls more throaty.
I then tease you nipples over and over, causing the erect sweet hardness. Over and over I tease.
Then slowly I add pressure as I tweak them between my fingers waiting for the sound that means it is intense and oh so pleasurable before it become true pain, that is the spot I leave them in.
Then my hand travels and caresses your belly, wondering at the joy I find in your goddess like body.
Traveling down, I touch and tease your tuft of fur, enjoy the feel and texture and the noise you make as you try to make me touch you down there.
My fingers travel and tease your womanhood, caressing and teasing outside your lips. The fill and swell like a flower; your scent fills the air. I slide my finger over your lower lips but I do not enter, I tease you more, your dampness and scent growing. You now growl at me, your hunger getting heavier.
Then I slide between your legs and inhale your musky scent, I grow dizzy from the scent I love and want.
My tongue traces the outside, over and over, not touching where you want.
Your clit throbs, your hips move.
I then make my move and strike at your clit with my tongue soft and fast almost a butterfly wing over and over you feel the heat climb, your kitty shows it’s hungry by getting wetter.
I change my stroke to hard and slow, and then suck your clit and hold gently with my teeth as I flick and tease the tip with tip of my tonue.
Over and over I do this, your hips bucking your growls and moans louder.
Until the wall falls and you cum again and again and again for me, over and over I do this, until you are spent, exhausted.
I move along side of you, petting and caressing lovingly.
I give you water from a sippy cup.
I caress your hair and pet you until you sleep.
I watch you and smile. I get up for a smoke. I think how lucky I am to have a mortal goddess as a lover.
I sit in the dark, and smoke.

Pain.

Pain.

I hurt.
I ache.
a gnawing throughout my body.
It centralizes in my knee and my hips.
Darkness envelopes me as it seems to consume me.

the ache
the pain
the gnawing

What did i do to deserve this pain, what sin did i commit to have to live with this?
I limp and shuffle, as it is hard to move.
I feel joints pop and snap, Did you hear that?
I bite my lip, and place a smile on my face, I try not to show my weakness.

the ache
the pain
the gnawing

At times I want to die, to finally end this pain.
But I look around, I see the love
I have, the caring and affection.
I see My Angel smile

the ache recedes
the pain recedes
the gnawing dwindles.

I see my love, I see my playmates,
I see a baby laugh and feel and see the colors of it.
I realize the pain is just something that will help me grow
strong.
My pain makes me who and what I am
I am not crippled though my body seems to be.
I am loved and wanted, I am cherished.

the ache recedes
the pain recedes
the gnawing dwindles.

FRG 06/13/06

Love Lisa

I love you more with each breath I take
I love you more with each beat of my heart I love you all that you are I love you all that you were I love you all that you will become I love our life together now I love our life together in the past I love our life together in the futute

Your love grants me the strength to heal and grow to become a man I feel worthy of all that you give to me,

Your give you to me so freely and lovingly

For the first time in my life I truely understand and have Unconditional Love for me.
I love you unconditionall and with all that I am

I hold you in my arms and climb the star, and ride the dragons back with you for new and for eternity.

LOVE YOU!!!

Frog,
2-18-06

Desire

*desire burns and grows, wants become needs, passion flow*
*come and release me my love and feel and flow together*

Home

Home
-----------

When I am in pain you are here.
When I melt down you are here.
As my selves come out and heal you are here.
You are loving me, even when I am feeling unlovable.
Loving and healing me is what you do for me.
I hope and pray, I do the same for you.
I am blessed by Goddess each day we share.
I care and love you.
Someday I will more whole and I shall love you even then.
You are my now and my future as I am your.
No closed doors, no more alone.
For together we are home.

FRGD 10/14/08

7/18/10 Stupid Man

7/18/10 Stupid Man

Stupid man
Hurts her again and again.
Losing her faith
Breakin her heart
Stupid man
Stupid love and desire.
Breaking upon the rocks
He saw he dived headfirst
He hurts her
He didn’t mean to
Gentle heart beautiful heart
Stupid man
Heart too big
Desire too big
Stupid man.
She grrrs
He stupid man
Loving more then 1
Is he greedy
Is he betraying her
Stupid man
He loves her and her
Is he hurting them both?
Stupid man
Why is love so hard
Why is love hard to share
Why does it have to hurt
STUPID MAN

Letter was gonna send to step dad

I am writing this to let you know how I feel.

I know you don’t believe in me or even care, you have not an iota of respect for me, you feel I will never walk again and just be a fat blubbery cripple for rest of life. Well I will lose weight and walk again.

I have let tons of pain go over the years where you have been involved…
I have let go that you stole my paper route money, you were supposed to put in bank and you kept it.
I let go you kept most of the money Roy, Bart and I found on highway by the Viet Nam vet who had flashback and tossed his wallet out, even after finding wallet and contacting him and him saying the boys could have the money.
I let go you punching me in nose for having an extra pork chop mom said I could have at dinner.
I let go when you tried to strangle and kill me 3 times during your drunken diabetic blackouts.
I let go you and Mom never coming to any of my school events, whether was sports or music, you never supported me.
I let go the fact with your way of being we seldom were allowed to have friends over.
I let go the fact when I had small group of friends over in one of your diabetic drinking bouts you came out your room naked 2 times and peed in the kitchen in the corner.
I let go you sucker punching me in face with mom in middle of the argument begging me not to hit you.
I let go fact that your dislike of me had my mother have me move out for one of your anniversaries.
I let go fact that while I was homeless Mom wanting to keep you happy would not let me come home so I lived on the streets, in back seat of cars of guys I knew were out to see, on the floor of people’s homes, in drain pipes and even a crypt for 16months.
I let go when you helped Roy buy a motorcycle and not help me buy a car.
I let go when you gave Roy a pc for Christmas, the girls laptops and I got a plastic blue harmonica and $2.00 pocket tool.
I let go you gave Roy a truck.
You spent thousands of dollars on a dog’s rehab to walk.
I have even thought was cool when you gave Nikki a car, 6 months insurance and 6 months xm radio. And forgave her stealing your credit card.

I have asked you for help 4x in my whole adult life, you were supposed to be my dad someone I could count on.
Yes, I asked for help when I was married to Jan for 800.00 to pay mortgage.
I told you I wanted the select comfort bed, you sent me the money for that, but my ac/heater died and so instead of the bed I got a replacement for a decent price for ac even if not proper one for my home, ac is a need in Texas when it gets over 100 degrees everyday in summer so I looked out for me and family, a responsible act and you got pissed at that.
I asked for help with getting new chair for me to sleep and live in while being cripple, you said yes but I was able to get my chair fixed so didn’t need to take that money.

Now when I asked for help to save our home for back property taxes, 1st you said Yes, I was ever so grateful, you asked to be sent paperwork showing that I was telling truth. I did so in good faith. I called a week later you changed your mind, decided NO. and then told me to make a deal with state, give them a little they will take it and deal with you, well your information is faulty, they will not allow that or make a deal that we can afford. We have 5 months now to come with full amount or we lose home. As for the how and why we got here, mistakes happen..

I have asked for paperwork back 3x now since you have no need for it, I still have not gotten it.
Please return it ASAP.

This will probably be last time you ever hear from me, as I do not ever want to be hurt by you again.
I have nothing to remind me of my mother, you have everything of hers.

So thank you once again for reminding me I am less than nothing to you, return our paperwork.