I have for years claimed to be poly, wired poly, talked poly and felt L and I were same path and thoughts.
Well in June found a lady I fell for hard T. Sadly found out L and I are not on same page for poly. I have torn her world apart. I go from feeling totally awesome to feeling like the biggest shit heel in world. I love her so much and my dedication love, my hunger and desire and to be with her and love her til the end of days and beyond has not wavered or faltered. it tears me apart inside when i feel her tears, her anger and venom. when realize i tore asunder a pure innocent love.
she says she now see how I am wired and i need love of many, I didn't ask to be wired thus.
She heals she has called her parts in, she is hungry, she is becoming more whole.
I am still so in love with L, fuck my body hurt with desire at times. I love T. I want her alla time too. I think I am far to greedy and needy.
Am not good at linear thoughts and writing so ya gonna read me get used to it.
I am going to try writing more. Not sure how this will go.
I feel a pang of jealousy tonight uncalled for, it came unbidden.
Is a play date, I feel lousy for feeling this. I can only imagine what she felt for real when we made our noises.
HI pot my name is fred and I am a kettle.
I feel unworthy to say I am poly.
Please forgive the pain I caused.
I love my pack. I love Lisa, I love Tressa. I love them so much I could fucking die when I make them sad unhappy.
I will get over this petty feeling and strive to be more worthy of my loves.
I will not be a hypocrite I will not be a petty thing I will be strong loving and Wolf, I am Sir and I am strong sexy and smart.
I am getting better each day.
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Yes you are my love ... Better every day.
ReplyDeleteThank you for hour continued honesty my love. I am healing, growing, we as a couple are doing so too. I am learning to accept your needs which are beyond me. I knew the first play date without would cause some reaction. Remember I know thee well.Even though we talked of me moving ahead and rejoining the play time with others. You have defined your love for Tressa. Now we both live with the consequences of our choices. Now you understand some of my pain. But I am glad to say it diminishes as the days go on. But we are forever changed and will continue to change as we grow.
ReplyDeleteThat is thank you for your...
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